Monday, April 11, 2011

An important historical find: The Gospel According to Kevin

During the week The Blowfly was able to access a time-warp and travel forward about 500 years. He found himself on the shoulder of an archaeologist digging around Lake Burley Griffin in Canberra looking for clues of civilization in the days of Julia of Altona.

He had located an ancient cd-rom containing the only known version of an ancient tome, referred to as ‘The Gospel According to Kevin’.

This Gospel tells the story of Kevin of Queensland who came from obscurity to be the Saviour; the one through whom the ALP was to finally fulfill its promise to the people of Australia.

‘Kevin’ is a carefully arranged gospel. It describes his birth, baptism and temptations, and takes us through his ministry of preaching, teaching and the healing of those people who laid down their quality of lives for him---public servants who were awoken at all hours to undertake tasks in the national interest.

The Gospel records Kevin’s journey through his brief and troubled ministry where he acquitted himself as a micro-manager. He simply could not leave his staff and ministers alone to perform their roles. The Gospel details the bottlenecks he created in the administration of the country.

The Gospel follows Kevin’s transition from crusader on his ‘Road to Copenhagen’ to indecisive know-all with both eyes on the polls. He could not maintain policy direction as he never allowed himself the sleep he desperately needed.

It also documents his failure to help Morris Iemma, a NSW premier, who took on the unions to privatize the NSW power grid. Iemma had delayed privatization so that Kevin might win his election. But after the election Kevin welshed on his promise to take on the NSW Right. That led to the NSW ALP suffering its largest election loss in Australian history.

Kevin’s opportunity to fulfill his role as the Saviour of the ALP was lost as he failed to choose the opportunity for beatification.

The Gospel also details Kevin’s crucifixion at the hands of Julia of Altona. The complex relationships within the ALP are examined, as are the personality defects that caused his downfall.

There are also references to his disturbed relationship with Julia of Altona and the continuing heartache he caused his party. Kevin thought he was cleverer than all of them put together.

Parts of the Gospel are in Mandarin. These parts were his attempt to disguise his capacity for foul language when losing his temper. In those days Australian television was broadcast in English---not in Mandarin as it is now!

The Gospel ultimately deals with the attempts by Kevin to resurrect himself in the eyes of the people. They were still ignorant of the reasons he was initially crucified. Subsequently he was removed from his ministry by Julia of Altona. He lived as a political Christian in retirement reading management books and writing long essays on what might have been.

This Gospel presents Kevin as a great Teacher---for anyone who would listen! He sought to be the Messiah but in the end proved to be simply a pain-in-the-arse.

This Gospel adds an important piece to the jigsaw that was the ALP!

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