The Blowfly, early on Australia Day morn, had a hunch that something big was going to happen.
I managed to plant myself on the top of the back seat in the PM’s white car---the one with the pretty flags---- just behind where the PM normally sits.
We dropped the PM at the inaugural National Emergency Services awards and she was feeling quite chipper.
I was having a nice little kip when hell broke loose.
The door flew open and rather than her usual demure entrance the PM landed heavily in the car, quickly scrambled across to my side and then Tony Abbott fell in beside her.
Both were short of breath and a little dishevelled.
Julia initially was feeling her head because of the dull thud that I’d heard as she was pushed into the car. It must’ve hurt!
Tony said nothing for a little while.
Then he looked at her with a beguiling smile and said: “Did I do that?”
The PM wasn’t smiling. She was still mourning her lost shoe.
Another moment’s silence.
“Aboriginals are a little precious about their Tent Embassy,” Tony finally murmured , semi-apologetically.
“Well Tony”, she said, “you’ve been a little precious yourself. All this rot about the Prime Ministership that you reckon should’ve been yours. You should understand them if anyone could.”
Tony did not answer immediately. He was contemplating as suburban Canberra raced past him.
“Julia, I just told them that they should move on.”
“Like you’ve moved on Tony?” she drawled.
“Always calling for a new election! Moving censure motions! Uttering 3 word slogans! You’re a Rhodes Scholar for god’s sake!”
“Take your own advice and move on,” the PM re-iterated.
Tony was thinking. Before he could open his mouth the PM started laughing.
“If only they could see us now, Tony?”
“Two poms! Refugees from the ‘old dart’ sharing a car together because you opened your big Catholic mouth”.
“At least I believe in God, Julia-----and in marriage!” he exclaimed.
“And where has it got you, Tony. Father Bob has a greater following than you!”
She continued laughing.
“And both of us now being steadily undermined by our previous leaders,” she said more pensively.
“There are some days , Tony, when I wish that Wilkie had fallen for that $1billion hospital you promised him and Windsor had bought your backside.”
Tony was starting to smile.
“You don’t mean it, Julia. You wouldn’t have missed the Royal Wedding for anything.”
“Margie liked your hat by the way,” he added.
“And poker machine reform would have generated no traction with me,” Tony muttered. “Most of the problem gamblers are your voters. And I don’t know how I could’ve worked with that ego-maniac Wilkie. He hated Howard. And ‘little Johnny’ was my hero.”
“So here we are, Tony. Two refugees from Pommie-Land forced to flee from people whose land we stole. Maybe we should consider going back?”
The Blowfly did think that maybe that idea had some merit.
An Australia Day gift that the nation would never forget!
David Cameron, I’m sure, would be eternally grateful! As would many Australians!
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Tony Abbott's great sense of humour!
This week The Blowfly finds himself completely at odds with Laurie Oakes and the rest of the Australian press gallery.
Tony Abbott copped a caning from the media regarding his remarks about the sunken Italian cruise liner. He wittingly brought it into the asylum seeker debate. He referred to it as ‘one boat they could not turn back.’
Laurie Oakes said that “the bloke just doesn’t get it.”
Hopefully Laurie and the media do not set the benchmark on what is appropriate , what is funny and what is not.
Blowflies often find humour in misfortune. Especially other people’s!
Tony Abbott has a wonderful sense of humour and, given the state of Australian politics, we need lashings of it regularly.
Tony has made The Blowfly laugh on many occasions.
Who could ever forget the television interview where Tony tried to explain the difference between the ‘truth’ and the ‘gospel truth’.
That was funny!
And then there was the interview with Kerry O’Brien where he tried to explain the details of his telecommunications policy.
That was hilarious!
But there is more!
“What housewives need to understand while they’re doing the ironing is that if they get it done commercially it’s going to go up in price, and their own power bills are going to go up every year when they switch the iron off.”
"I think there does need to be give and take on both sides, and this idea that sex is kind of a woman’s right to absolutely withhold, just as the idea that sex is a man’s right to demand I think they both need to be moderated, so to speak.”
Are you laughing yet?
“I am giving you the most definite commitment any politician can give that this tax will go. This is a pledge in blood this tax will go.”
“The only thing I wouldn’t do is sell my arse---but I’d have to give serious thought to it.”
To Malcolm Turnbull on climate change: “I know I’m a bit of a weather vane on this.”
Surely you are laughing now!
“….Jesus didn’t say yes to everyone. I mean Jesus knew that there was a place for everything and it is not necessarily everyone’s place to come to Australia.”
“….we just can’t stop people from being homeless if that’s their choice….”
On whether a national celibacy campaign would help counter the rise in teen sexual activity, sexual infections and pregnancies: “I think that it’s very important that we empower people to reject this kind of rampant sensuality.”
Now for the one that brings tears to your eyes.
“I think it would be folly to expect that women will ever dominate or even approach equal representation in a large number of areas simply because their aptitudes, abilities and interests are different for physiological reasons.”
I think we should leave the final word to the illustrious humorist George W Bush: "See in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda.”
The Blowfly could not have said it better.
Tony Abbott copped a caning from the media regarding his remarks about the sunken Italian cruise liner. He wittingly brought it into the asylum seeker debate. He referred to it as ‘one boat they could not turn back.’
Laurie Oakes said that “the bloke just doesn’t get it.”
Hopefully Laurie and the media do not set the benchmark on what is appropriate , what is funny and what is not.
Blowflies often find humour in misfortune. Especially other people’s!
Tony Abbott has a wonderful sense of humour and, given the state of Australian politics, we need lashings of it regularly.
Tony has made The Blowfly laugh on many occasions.
Who could ever forget the television interview where Tony tried to explain the difference between the ‘truth’ and the ‘gospel truth’.
That was funny!
And then there was the interview with Kerry O’Brien where he tried to explain the details of his telecommunications policy.
That was hilarious!
But there is more!
“What housewives need to understand while they’re doing the ironing is that if they get it done commercially it’s going to go up in price, and their own power bills are going to go up every year when they switch the iron off.”
"I think there does need to be give and take on both sides, and this idea that sex is kind of a woman’s right to absolutely withhold, just as the idea that sex is a man’s right to demand I think they both need to be moderated, so to speak.”
Are you laughing yet?
“I am giving you the most definite commitment any politician can give that this tax will go. This is a pledge in blood this tax will go.”
“The only thing I wouldn’t do is sell my arse---but I’d have to give serious thought to it.”
To Malcolm Turnbull on climate change: “I know I’m a bit of a weather vane on this.”
Surely you are laughing now!
“….Jesus didn’t say yes to everyone. I mean Jesus knew that there was a place for everything and it is not necessarily everyone’s place to come to Australia.”
“….we just can’t stop people from being homeless if that’s their choice….”
On whether a national celibacy campaign would help counter the rise in teen sexual activity, sexual infections and pregnancies: “I think that it’s very important that we empower people to reject this kind of rampant sensuality.”
Now for the one that brings tears to your eyes.
“I think it would be folly to expect that women will ever dominate or even approach equal representation in a large number of areas simply because their aptitudes, abilities and interests are different for physiological reasons.”
I think we should leave the final word to the illustrious humorist George W Bush: "See in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda.”
The Blowfly could not have said it better.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
2012: Kevin Rudd's thoughts
The Blowfly invites you to suppose, for a few brief minutes, that you have committed hideous crimes against humanity in a previous life and in order to purge your otherwise perfect soul you have reincarnated as none other than Kevin Rudd.
As part of your pain and suffering you are a resident of Queensland.
But not only are you a Queenslander, you are also a ‘Queensland politician’.
Oh dearie me!
Other Queensland politicians have, and now include, such renowned figures as Joh Bjelke-Petersen and his wife Lady Flo, Russ Hinze, Wayne Swan and …………….Bob Katter, of course!
The term intellectual has never been associated with these names-----nor for that matter with Queensland.
So for that reason you were the brightest star on the horizon in 2007.
Queensland was hoping that you would rise far above the horizon and allow wisdom about it’s quirky ways and unique needs to be distributed via your then silver-tongue.
But just as you did with Wayne Goss, when the levers of power were available to you, there was a rush of blood to your head.
You bullied. You cajoled. You swore. You made lots of behind-the-scenes phone calls. You kept important people waiting whilst you attended to minutiae.
In short, you were a bastard!
But somehow you believe that Australia would be best served by being in the hands of a bastard like you.
You have been stoking the fires with a few strategic leaks.
You love stirring the pot---although you hated people stirring it when you were PM!
After all, besides jetting all over the world , meeting world leaders and participating in lots of earth-shaping discussions what fun do you have nowadays?
You scan the newspapers daily to find a new area that would benefit from your considerable expertise and experience.
Despite your deep and abiding interest in comebacks you refrain from telephoning Ian Thorpe to advise him on his efforts to win more medals. It’s Julia’s job to mix with sportspeople now she is PM. Your phone call might be construed inappropriately.
You have thought about telephoning Hilary Clinton to provide condolences about the video of 3 marines urinating on Taliban fighters in the lead-up to peace negotiations. But on reflection you feel that the Yanks have been urinating on us since before the Second World War. That would be hypocritical!
You have refrained from ringing the guy who received 75 lashes for blasphemy in a Muslim country because you realize that there but for the grace of God go you! Although you are a Christian, with your track record, you probably would’ve got 150 lashes if they’d heard your efforts.
You are disappointed that you weren’t given a chance to show your considerable diplomatic skills when the 3 activists boarded the whaling ship. But then you applaud yourself by justifying Japan’s back-down because they knew they’d have to deal with you.
So this is what you are reduced to!
Waiting for something to occur that you can bend your considerable intellect to.
The Blowfly recalls the words of Housman: "I do not know upon what subject he will next employ his versatile incapacity."
As part of your pain and suffering you are a resident of Queensland.
But not only are you a Queenslander, you are also a ‘Queensland politician’.
Oh dearie me!
Other Queensland politicians have, and now include, such renowned figures as Joh Bjelke-Petersen and his wife Lady Flo, Russ Hinze, Wayne Swan and …………….Bob Katter, of course!
The term intellectual has never been associated with these names-----nor for that matter with Queensland.
So for that reason you were the brightest star on the horizon in 2007.
Queensland was hoping that you would rise far above the horizon and allow wisdom about it’s quirky ways and unique needs to be distributed via your then silver-tongue.
But just as you did with Wayne Goss, when the levers of power were available to you, there was a rush of blood to your head.
You bullied. You cajoled. You swore. You made lots of behind-the-scenes phone calls. You kept important people waiting whilst you attended to minutiae.
In short, you were a bastard!
But somehow you believe that Australia would be best served by being in the hands of a bastard like you.
You have been stoking the fires with a few strategic leaks.
You love stirring the pot---although you hated people stirring it when you were PM!
After all, besides jetting all over the world , meeting world leaders and participating in lots of earth-shaping discussions what fun do you have nowadays?
You scan the newspapers daily to find a new area that would benefit from your considerable expertise and experience.
Despite your deep and abiding interest in comebacks you refrain from telephoning Ian Thorpe to advise him on his efforts to win more medals. It’s Julia’s job to mix with sportspeople now she is PM. Your phone call might be construed inappropriately.
You have thought about telephoning Hilary Clinton to provide condolences about the video of 3 marines urinating on Taliban fighters in the lead-up to peace negotiations. But on reflection you feel that the Yanks have been urinating on us since before the Second World War. That would be hypocritical!
You have refrained from ringing the guy who received 75 lashes for blasphemy in a Muslim country because you realize that there but for the grace of God go you! Although you are a Christian, with your track record, you probably would’ve got 150 lashes if they’d heard your efforts.
You are disappointed that you weren’t given a chance to show your considerable diplomatic skills when the 3 activists boarded the whaling ship. But then you applaud yourself by justifying Japan’s back-down because they knew they’d have to deal with you.
So this is what you are reduced to!
Waiting for something to occur that you can bend your considerable intellect to.
The Blowfly recalls the words of Housman: "I do not know upon what subject he will next employ his versatile incapacity."
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Tony Abbott's perspective on 2012
The Blowfly wants you to imagine that you are in Tony Abbott’s shoes at the moment.
2012 has dawned.
This time last year you were confident that if you went at the Gillard Government with all your energy, spin and bluster you had a reasonable chance of causing a hung parliament to become ‘unhung’.
You did the only thing you really knew how.
You tried to scare the populace.
You travelled the country doing so.
But the sky still has not fallen down!
You also turned Question Time into a farce by moving all those censure motions.
And then right at the end of the year you experienced the ignominy of having Gillard, Albanese and company out-manoeuvre you in respect to Peter Slipper’s move to become the Speaker.
You know that Malcolm is beavering away quietly making himself look good.
You know that Joe Hockey and Andrew Robb are struggling to develop a budgetary framework that will accommodate all the promises you have made to repeal the carbon tax legislation and the MRRT.
In fact , coming up to the next election, you almost have to start from scratch regarding the costings of all your policies because of the promises and the commitments to repeal that you have made on the run.
In his regular blog former NSW Premier Bob Carr refers to this amounts to ‘the biggest transformation of Australian public finances ever promised by an opposition leader’.
And you know that in 2013 the Australian public might not fall for having the policy costings audited by a firm of accountants who were told not to review the assumptions.
You are also aware that your policy development process is being hindered by the need to appeal to the swinging voters. You are struggling to make sense of all the polling that your crowd is doing.
Like John Howard you are only going to release your policies on the eve of the election so that they don’t get too much of an opportunity to be shot down and scrutinised by the Government.
On another front there is the spectre of Kevin Rudd hanging over your head.
Although you were acerbic about an elected Prime Minister being deposed you do realise that, in spite of his popularity with voters, he was a megalomaniac who almost brought the administration of the nation to a standstill.
You are worried that there is talk of Gillard being deposed and Kevin getting a run again. If this happens you reckon you would be totally stuffed because Queensland voters would return to him.
You recognise the need to expend your energies very strategically between now and the next election.
If you push too hard on Gillard and cause her to blunder then the power brokers in the ALP might move to re-install Kevin.
If you don’t push hard enough then your own party is going to question your capacity to lead them after the next election.
You think to yourself: “I wish Margie was more like Janette Howard because I could sure use her advice right now”.
2012 has dawned.
This time last year you were confident that if you went at the Gillard Government with all your energy, spin and bluster you had a reasonable chance of causing a hung parliament to become ‘unhung’.
You did the only thing you really knew how.
You tried to scare the populace.
You travelled the country doing so.
But the sky still has not fallen down!
You also turned Question Time into a farce by moving all those censure motions.
And then right at the end of the year you experienced the ignominy of having Gillard, Albanese and company out-manoeuvre you in respect to Peter Slipper’s move to become the Speaker.
You know that Malcolm is beavering away quietly making himself look good.
You know that Joe Hockey and Andrew Robb are struggling to develop a budgetary framework that will accommodate all the promises you have made to repeal the carbon tax legislation and the MRRT.
In fact , coming up to the next election, you almost have to start from scratch regarding the costings of all your policies because of the promises and the commitments to repeal that you have made on the run.
In his regular blog former NSW Premier Bob Carr refers to this amounts to ‘the biggest transformation of Australian public finances ever promised by an opposition leader’.
And you know that in 2013 the Australian public might not fall for having the policy costings audited by a firm of accountants who were told not to review the assumptions.
You are also aware that your policy development process is being hindered by the need to appeal to the swinging voters. You are struggling to make sense of all the polling that your crowd is doing.
Like John Howard you are only going to release your policies on the eve of the election so that they don’t get too much of an opportunity to be shot down and scrutinised by the Government.
On another front there is the spectre of Kevin Rudd hanging over your head.
Although you were acerbic about an elected Prime Minister being deposed you do realise that, in spite of his popularity with voters, he was a megalomaniac who almost brought the administration of the nation to a standstill.
You are worried that there is talk of Gillard being deposed and Kevin getting a run again. If this happens you reckon you would be totally stuffed because Queensland voters would return to him.
You recognise the need to expend your energies very strategically between now and the next election.
If you push too hard on Gillard and cause her to blunder then the power brokers in the ALP might move to re-install Kevin.
If you don’t push hard enough then your own party is going to question your capacity to lead them after the next election.
You think to yourself: “I wish Margie was more like Janette Howard because I could sure use her advice right now”.
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
The Prime Minister's New Year's Resolutions: A Secret Insight!
The Blowfly has recently been curious about the thoughts of our Prime Minister as she faces 2012.
Although an atheist the PM still has her spiritual side and, she knows, like most others, that 2012 has special significance. She knows that 2012 is likely to be a year of huge change. Even though there are prophets of doom who cling to the Mayan calendar finishing on 21 December 2012 our PM is not inclined that way.
Recently The Blowfly was able to look over her shoulder in the lead-up the New Year’s Day while she was pencilling in her resolutions for 2012. Here is a summary, as best The Blowfly can recall.
1. Keep making Tony Abbott look as though he is doing his job extremely well.
Her thinking here was quite simple. She recalled that one post-election analysis showed that if Malcolm Turnbull had lead the Coalition to the last election then the ALP would’ve lost. She knows she is onto a winner by keeping Abbott as the Liberal leader. She finds it galling to make Tony look good but she is a big picture person and the means justify the ends. As well she loves sparring with another home-grown Pom---- especially a Rhodes Scholar who believes in God!
2. Keep a close eye on Kevin Rudd
As nice as it was to see the levers of power removed from this megalomaniac she figures that he could still do some damage, especially if he has too much to drink and walks into a strip club. She started learning Mandarin but after a couple of lessons gave up because Tim couldn’t stop laughing as she practised some sample phrases with her slow nasal drawl.
3. Get to know what is going on in Bob Brown’s head
She realises that the Greens have made inroads into the hearts and minds of radical Labor voters and she would like to think she could lure some back with some radical policy initiatives----which don’t come naturally to her! As well she would genuinely like to understand what possesses gay couples to aspire to marriage. She’s still struggling with why heterosexual couples aspire to marriage.
4. Forge a more meaningful relationship with my new best friend, Barack Obama
Her thinking here that she finds him an adorable hunk and she would like to see more of him. She knows that the US is in deep manure economically. She is keeping her eyes open for some new technologies which she might be able to share with Barack so that the US could generate new revenues to stimulate their economy. And she realises the great debt we have to the US for Facebook, Twitter, Coke, Pepsi, Collateralised Debt Obligations, Goldman Sachs, McDonalds, KFC and rap-dancing. As well it’s a quasi apology for Rupert Murdoch!
5. Get a new speech-writer
She realises that her ALP Annual Conference speech was a shocker. She is hoping to find someone with a turn of phrase like Paul Keating’s but blended with a strand of Bob Hope’s humour. Andrew Denton was one who came into her head. As did Norman Gunston!
The Blowfly reckons 2012 should be a real hoot.
Although an atheist the PM still has her spiritual side and, she knows, like most others, that 2012 has special significance. She knows that 2012 is likely to be a year of huge change. Even though there are prophets of doom who cling to the Mayan calendar finishing on 21 December 2012 our PM is not inclined that way.
Recently The Blowfly was able to look over her shoulder in the lead-up the New Year’s Day while she was pencilling in her resolutions for 2012. Here is a summary, as best The Blowfly can recall.
1. Keep making Tony Abbott look as though he is doing his job extremely well.
Her thinking here was quite simple. She recalled that one post-election analysis showed that if Malcolm Turnbull had lead the Coalition to the last election then the ALP would’ve lost. She knows she is onto a winner by keeping Abbott as the Liberal leader. She finds it galling to make Tony look good but she is a big picture person and the means justify the ends. As well she loves sparring with another home-grown Pom---- especially a Rhodes Scholar who believes in God!
2. Keep a close eye on Kevin Rudd
As nice as it was to see the levers of power removed from this megalomaniac she figures that he could still do some damage, especially if he has too much to drink and walks into a strip club. She started learning Mandarin but after a couple of lessons gave up because Tim couldn’t stop laughing as she practised some sample phrases with her slow nasal drawl.
3. Get to know what is going on in Bob Brown’s head
She realises that the Greens have made inroads into the hearts and minds of radical Labor voters and she would like to think she could lure some back with some radical policy initiatives----which don’t come naturally to her! As well she would genuinely like to understand what possesses gay couples to aspire to marriage. She’s still struggling with why heterosexual couples aspire to marriage.
4. Forge a more meaningful relationship with my new best friend, Barack Obama
Her thinking here that she finds him an adorable hunk and she would like to see more of him. She knows that the US is in deep manure economically. She is keeping her eyes open for some new technologies which she might be able to share with Barack so that the US could generate new revenues to stimulate their economy. And she realises the great debt we have to the US for Facebook, Twitter, Coke, Pepsi, Collateralised Debt Obligations, Goldman Sachs, McDonalds, KFC and rap-dancing. As well it’s a quasi apology for Rupert Murdoch!
5. Get a new speech-writer
She realises that her ALP Annual Conference speech was a shocker. She is hoping to find someone with a turn of phrase like Paul Keating’s but blended with a strand of Bob Hope’s humour. Andrew Denton was one who came into her head. As did Norman Gunston!
The Blowfly reckons 2012 should be a real hoot.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Top secret ALP strategy on climate change revealed.REPOSTED DUE TO RELEVANCE
The Blowfly has discovered why the Gillard Government appears to be making such hard work of climate change.
The Government is secretly working on a number of other initiatives that, when they come to fruition, will place Australia at the forefront of green and sustainable energy technologies.
Other countries will be looking to Australia to meet their greenhouse emission targets.
Australian taxpayers and, particularly, big business think that the present pre-emptive strategy of going it alone will send jobs offshore.
WRONG!
This highly secret Government strategy will have jobs flooding into Australia. And we will need all the refugees we can get just to keep up with the demand!
It all started with Kevin. Kevin 747.
He appeared to have botched the show at Copenhagen.
But then along came Malcolm Turnbull who offered Kevvie a deal on getting the ETS through Parliament. Kevvie got all excited. You see , Malcolm is a business man. He used to work with Goldman Sachs. He knows all the tricks.
Malcolm suggested that the Government be seen to be going down the hard road---ETS, carbon tax etc---but really be siphoning off large amounts of R&D into a number of highly beneficial, strategic areas. Our new technologies could then be sold to the rest of the world. Australia would be sitting pretty, supplying technologies to the rest of the world to enable them to meet their emissions targets.
The Blowfly, during his recent forays into Parliament House, discovered some of the technologies that are being secretly brought forward.
Firstly there is ‘oceanpower’. This includes all forms of energy emanating from the oceans: tidal, waves, currents, temperature and salinity gradients (whatever they are). Several large wave/tidal farms are presently planned for our coastline (see www.oceanlinx.com).
Secondly there is ‘solar thermal’. This is where the sun’s heat is used to make steam or a very hot fluid. This is then used to turn a turbine and create electricity (see www.ausra.com)
Thirdly there is ‘geothermal’. Australia has enough geothermal energy to power our nation for at least 100 years from just one site in central Australia (see www.geodynamics.com.au)
Fourthly there is ‘solar thermal and ammonia storage’. This intriguing technology will allow renewable fuels to be generated and exported. Japan could be powered from solar energy collected from Australia’s arid areas (see www.wizardpower.com.au)
And then there is the ‘king hit’! ‘Muon catalysed fusion’. Currently a one gigawatt power plant burns 4.4 million tons of coal to operate for a year, producing many thousands of kilograms of carbon dioxide, nitrogen dioxide etc. The only fuel used in the muon catalysed fusion creation process is deuterium - a naturally occurring molecule abundantly available in sea water - and only 150kg of deuterium would be required to run a power plant of comparable size - without emitting any climate change gases. This requires 2 Olympic swimming pools of sea water. Dramatically reduced reliance on coal, amazingly inexpensive retro-fitting of existing power stations and the regional dispersal of power stations would follow (see www.starscientific.com.au).
At some stage just before the next Federal election in 2013 Julia Gillard will call a press conference and announce the grand plan. Malcolm Turnbull will be appointed as the Managing Director of the Australian National Energy Organisation. At the ensuing election the ALP will be returned with a majority of its own and the ‘hung’ parliament will be no more.
And Tony Abbott? Well Tony Abbott will simply be free to lead the Opposition to another 3 years in the wilderness dreaming up three word slogans and criticizing everything in sight.
Unlike climate, some things will never change!
The Government is secretly working on a number of other initiatives that, when they come to fruition, will place Australia at the forefront of green and sustainable energy technologies.
Other countries will be looking to Australia to meet their greenhouse emission targets.
Australian taxpayers and, particularly, big business think that the present pre-emptive strategy of going it alone will send jobs offshore.
WRONG!
This highly secret Government strategy will have jobs flooding into Australia. And we will need all the refugees we can get just to keep up with the demand!
It all started with Kevin. Kevin 747.
He appeared to have botched the show at Copenhagen.
But then along came Malcolm Turnbull who offered Kevvie a deal on getting the ETS through Parliament. Kevvie got all excited. You see , Malcolm is a business man. He used to work with Goldman Sachs. He knows all the tricks.
Malcolm suggested that the Government be seen to be going down the hard road---ETS, carbon tax etc---but really be siphoning off large amounts of R&D into a number of highly beneficial, strategic areas. Our new technologies could then be sold to the rest of the world. Australia would be sitting pretty, supplying technologies to the rest of the world to enable them to meet their emissions targets.
The Blowfly, during his recent forays into Parliament House, discovered some of the technologies that are being secretly brought forward.
Firstly there is ‘oceanpower’. This includes all forms of energy emanating from the oceans: tidal, waves, currents, temperature and salinity gradients (whatever they are). Several large wave/tidal farms are presently planned for our coastline (see www.oceanlinx.com).
Secondly there is ‘solar thermal’. This is where the sun’s heat is used to make steam or a very hot fluid. This is then used to turn a turbine and create electricity (see www.ausra.com)
Thirdly there is ‘geothermal’. Australia has enough geothermal energy to power our nation for at least 100 years from just one site in central Australia (see www.geodynamics.com.au)
Fourthly there is ‘solar thermal and ammonia storage’. This intriguing technology will allow renewable fuels to be generated and exported. Japan could be powered from solar energy collected from Australia’s arid areas (see www.wizardpower.com.au)
And then there is the ‘king hit’! ‘Muon catalysed fusion’. Currently a one gigawatt power plant burns 4.4 million tons of coal to operate for a year, producing many thousands of kilograms of carbon dioxide, nitrogen dioxide etc. The only fuel used in the muon catalysed fusion creation process is deuterium - a naturally occurring molecule abundantly available in sea water - and only 150kg of deuterium would be required to run a power plant of comparable size - without emitting any climate change gases. This requires 2 Olympic swimming pools of sea water. Dramatically reduced reliance on coal, amazingly inexpensive retro-fitting of existing power stations and the regional dispersal of power stations would follow (see www.starscientific.com.au).
At some stage just before the next Federal election in 2013 Julia Gillard will call a press conference and announce the grand plan. Malcolm Turnbull will be appointed as the Managing Director of the Australian National Energy Organisation. At the ensuing election the ALP will be returned with a majority of its own and the ‘hung’ parliament will be no more.
And Tony Abbott? Well Tony Abbott will simply be free to lead the Opposition to another 3 years in the wilderness dreaming up three word slogans and criticizing everything in sight.
Unlike climate, some things will never change!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
The Big Issues facing the Opposition: How they're thinking in the engine-room!
The Blowfly is aware that behind the scenes in politics there is a veritable army of hard-working, well-meaning people.
Let’s imagine that you are the husband and wife team who, very deliberately, pull the strings of Tony Abbott and the Liberal Party.
Peta Credlin is Tony’s chief-of-staff and Brian Loughnane is the federal director of the Liberal Party.
During the term of this hung Parliament they have been second-guessing the Gillard government and attempting to position ‘their Tony’ for PM.
Tony Abbott’s ceaseless forays into the heart of Australian businesses for the evening ‘news-takes’ telling the small business sector about the pending doom about to befall them with the introduction of the ‘Carbon tax’ was undoubtedly the result of Peda Credlin’s detailed and inspired planning.
Brian Loughnane has also been around for a while and he knows the ropes.
During the last election campaign he reportedly gave instructions ‘not to check the assumptions’ to the WA auditors who were assigned the highly important task of costing the Coalition’s policies. Subsequently Treasury found an $11 billion ‘black hole’.
One might imagine that the Liberal Party is a permanent talking point in their house.
Let’s imagine that on their fridge is a small white board. They use this to empty their Liberal brains of questions that they believe might be pertinent to the quest to get Tony behind the levers of power.
This is how The Blowfly imagines the white board might look presently:
1. If Malcolm becomes the leader before the next election will our ‘NO’ strategy work for him?
2. Should Tony stay on as leader will he be perceived as a total drongo if he continues with the ‘NO’ strategy?
3. When should we start developing some policies for the next election?
4. Besides the repeal of the Carbon Tax legislation and the Minerals Rent and Resources Tax what other ideas do we have for policy initiatives?
5. How might we ‘save face’ if we have to jettison the repeal of these should our polling reveal it would be beneficial?
6. Given we now have a $70 billion ‘black hole’ with all the commitments Tony has given, do we simply pray for a miracle?
7. How is it humanly possible to develop policies to cover this ‘black hole’ without alienating the swinging voters?
8. Should we factor in a new $1 billion hospital for Andrew Wilkie’s electorate for the next election?
9. What is the most politically advantageous position the Coalition can take on global warming?
10. Should we include John and Janette Howard in our planning group for the next election?
11. Should we persist with the censure motions at Question Time or should we invest more time in developing penetrating questions to ask the Government?
12. What should we advise Tony to do with Joe?
13. Where do we want to take this country?
14. Is that important as long as we win?
15. Is there enough champagne in the fridge for New Year’s Eve?
16. What do we have to celebrate?
The words of Sam Goldwyn drift into The Blowfly’s small brain: “We’re overpaying them but they’re worth it”.
Let’s imagine that you are the husband and wife team who, very deliberately, pull the strings of Tony Abbott and the Liberal Party.
Peta Credlin is Tony’s chief-of-staff and Brian Loughnane is the federal director of the Liberal Party.
During the term of this hung Parliament they have been second-guessing the Gillard government and attempting to position ‘their Tony’ for PM.
Tony Abbott’s ceaseless forays into the heart of Australian businesses for the evening ‘news-takes’ telling the small business sector about the pending doom about to befall them with the introduction of the ‘Carbon tax’ was undoubtedly the result of Peda Credlin’s detailed and inspired planning.
Brian Loughnane has also been around for a while and he knows the ropes.
During the last election campaign he reportedly gave instructions ‘not to check the assumptions’ to the WA auditors who were assigned the highly important task of costing the Coalition’s policies. Subsequently Treasury found an $11 billion ‘black hole’.
One might imagine that the Liberal Party is a permanent talking point in their house.
Let’s imagine that on their fridge is a small white board. They use this to empty their Liberal brains of questions that they believe might be pertinent to the quest to get Tony behind the levers of power.
This is how The Blowfly imagines the white board might look presently:
1. If Malcolm becomes the leader before the next election will our ‘NO’ strategy work for him?
2. Should Tony stay on as leader will he be perceived as a total drongo if he continues with the ‘NO’ strategy?
3. When should we start developing some policies for the next election?
4. Besides the repeal of the Carbon Tax legislation and the Minerals Rent and Resources Tax what other ideas do we have for policy initiatives?
5. How might we ‘save face’ if we have to jettison the repeal of these should our polling reveal it would be beneficial?
6. Given we now have a $70 billion ‘black hole’ with all the commitments Tony has given, do we simply pray for a miracle?
7. How is it humanly possible to develop policies to cover this ‘black hole’ without alienating the swinging voters?
8. Should we factor in a new $1 billion hospital for Andrew Wilkie’s electorate for the next election?
9. What is the most politically advantageous position the Coalition can take on global warming?
10. Should we include John and Janette Howard in our planning group for the next election?
11. Should we persist with the censure motions at Question Time or should we invest more time in developing penetrating questions to ask the Government?
12. What should we advise Tony to do with Joe?
13. Where do we want to take this country?
14. Is that important as long as we win?
15. Is there enough champagne in the fridge for New Year’s Eve?
16. What do we have to celebrate?
The words of Sam Goldwyn drift into The Blowfly’s small brain: “We’re overpaying them but they’re worth it”.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)