What the hell is our Prime Minister thinking?

Many of you, including The Blowfly, have been wondering what our Prime Minister is up to.

While many around around her appear to be pouring water on her she is digging in for the not-so-long-haul-----less than 100 days-----as the Opposition leader tells us each and every single day!

The Blowfly admits that it has taken him a while to get inside her red-head but recently he cracked the code. 

Let me share the fruits of The Blowfly’s code-cracking with you.

There are a number of things on her mind.

Firstly there is Kevin. She knows that he would be an absolute disaster-----not only for the country but for the ALP as well! She considers it to be one of her life’s purpose to keep his forever-waving-to- the-populace’s hands from the levers of power. She knows that a leopard never changes his spots. Every red-head knows that. And she knows that a swearing Christian can never be trusted! And that anyone who finds his own ear-wax enticing will be a disaster.

 

She also knows that if Kevin returned many of her compatriots in the party would simply depart. They could not work with him and his megalomaniac personality.

The public appear to love Kevin.  However that is only because they are ignorant. They don’t have to work with him. They only see his ‘kissing babies’ side and him coming out of church on Sunday. They have never see , first-hand, his tantrums nor his excruciating micro-management of national issues.

So she is offering herself up as the ultimate sacrifice to the Australian people on this matter.

Then there is the issue of Tony! Dear ‘ole Tony!

She realises now that she made a strategic error in this regard. She fought him in the gutter----and it was his gutter! He tried to tear this Parliament down because he failed to convince the Independents that he was a better prospect for PM than she was. He set about doing what he knew how-----just like university days! He bullied her! He taunted her! He spewed forth his lies! He stooped to new lows in terms of parliamentary behaviour.

She should’ve risen above it. She should’ve conducted herself more like Quentin Bryce has. But it’s hard to fight off constant negativity! Especially when it comes at you over the despatch boxes every day! Wearing a blue tie!

Deep in her heart she that the greatest legacy she can leave for the Australian populace is to find a way that neither Kevin nor Tony can inflict themselves on the running of our country.

She realises that she is more advanced in this objective with Kevin than with Tony.

So now she has to start playing some of the cards she has been saving for this moment.

At a ‘Women for Gillard’ meeting Julia plays the gender card. She starts the process of causing women to think about whether they are really equal and whether Tony Abbott is really a ‘reformed being’ in this regards. She knows that her peers will question her judgement but she is thinking of the big picture---a country free of Kevin and Tony! And blue ties!

She puts it out there and waits for destiny to play its hand.

 Blow me down! Within the week the Universe and Mal Brough serve up a sexist menu at a fund-raising dinner. This gives some traction to proving her point that Abbott is sexist.

 More traction is required but you get the flow of it. And then a group known as the “Jedi Council’ within the Australian army make sure that sexism and women are forever stamped on our minds.

Miraculously a shock jock asks her about Tim’s sexuality and places the icing on the cake. 

She is still reeling from her good fortune but realises she is on a roll. She’d better make the most of it!

Julia rings the President of Indonesia and calls in a favour. Would he be able to issue some new instructions to his Navy and coast guard people? Tell them that if Mr Abbott turns the boats around and sends them back to Indonesia he will consider ordering his navy to turn around the vessels transporting our live cattle to Indonesia. If we turn around the asylum-seekers he will turn around our live cattle. The President cackles quietly at the audacity of a red-head, wonders why he never thought of it before, and agrees immediately. 

Then Julia rings her friend, Barack. Now fully aware as to what the NSA’s intelligence -gathering capabilities is she requests ‘help’ in respect to her mission not to inflict either Tony or Kevin on the Australian people. She suggests that the NSA focus on the Slipper affair and especially what Tony, Christopher Pyne and Mal Brough knew and did! 

She also suggests that if the NSA’s archives are capable of shedding more light on the role Tony Abbott played in the demise of Pauline Hanson, a fellow red-head, that would be helpful.

And to stretch the friendship a little further would Barack be able to provide all the information they have relating to the calls and emails between members of the Opposition and Kathy Jackson and Michael Williamson of the HSU.

  
She ain’t finished yet!

Now Julia rings Clive Palmer. She tells Clive that she has a plan to use his ‘Titanic’. In conjunction with the Greens, she is going to reverse our present approach to the refugee problem after the election. She recognises the mining industry is going to struggle for the manpower it needs to fulfil its aspirations. She is planning to introduce a Northern Australia visa and she wants Clive’s ‘Titanic’ to become a floating processing and transportation centre. The business model of the people smugglers will be broken once and forever. If she and Tony Abbott could get into Australia for 10 pound so should refugees be able to! As a quid pro quo she needs Clive’s party preferences. He is chuffed and promises to expedite the ‘Titanic’.

Then she rings the ACTU President Ged Kearney and tells her of the grand plan. Julia also tells Ged that each Northern Australia visa will only be issued upon the applicant joining a union. Ged is overjoyed and immediately rings Paul Howes to pass on the good news. Paul immediately endorses her leadership in the media.

Now comes the most delicious call of all! 

Julia rings Gina Rinehart and tells her that she’d like to meet with her secretly ‘to discuss a few issues’. She tells Gina of her initiatives to supply the mining industry with ‘more appropriately-priced labour resources’. As well she is going to appoint Gina, Twiggy, David Gonski, Alan Kohler and David Koch to head up a sovereign wealth fund along similar lines to Norway. The notion is to preserve and invest a portion of the national wealth flowing from our mineral resources for future generations. 

She also tells Gina that she will nominate her for a knighthood for her services to the mining industry. Gina falls for it and immediately makes a donation of $25 million to the ALP. ‘Baroness Rinehart’ has a certain ring to it don’t you think?

And along the way Julia decides it will do her no harm to share a stage on climate change with Arnold Schwarzenegger who just happens to be in Australia on a lecture tour. He reassures her that if she needs him in the election campaign then “I’ll be back!”

So you see that our PM has a few cards she can play yet.

And the Universe still has a few more tricks up its sleeve no doubt.

Above all however she is dedicated to the notion of sacrificing herself for the good of our nation. What more noble task could she dedicate herself to?

Most commentators have said that they can’t see a solution to the political situation she finds herself in.

But she can!

In the words of Jean Guitton, in her renowned “Essay on Human Love”:

“Sacrifice remains the solution of that which has no solution”

If Kevin Rudd is the answer, what is the question?

Sometimes The Blowfly likes to keep his minute brain active.

An opportunity presented itself during the week to do just this.

A journalist was waxing lyrical in some tome or other about the perennial question of Kevin Rudd and his leadership aspirations and intentions.

The journalist posed the question: If Kevin Rudd is the answer, what is the question?

It caught The Blowfly’s eye and stimulated a brain cell.

In order to distract himself from the misleading statements and lies of Tony Abbott, the superciliousness of George Brandis , the light-weight and often-repeated clichés of Joe Hockey, the piercing shrill of Eric Abetz, the repeated propaganda of Greg Hunt and the totally annoying demeanor of Christopher Pyne yours truly turned his brain cell to this task.

It turns out there are many, many questions for which “Rudd” is the answer.

Here are just a few.

1.Which politician would we have to re-elect to ensure that the painful term “Gotta zip” becomes enshrined in the Australian vernacular?

2.Which politician would we need to see returned to power to ensure that Therese Rein becomes the most tolerant, long-suffering heroine-political wife of all time?

3.Which elected ALP member of the House of Representatives , upon assuming the mantle of Prime Minister again, could we safely predict would pay lip-service to the institution of the Cabinet as a governance body and when an excuse arose would again jettison it?

4. Which former Leader of the ALP might lose his seat at the next election if the Government is defeated?

5. Which Federal Labor MP is rumored to have undermined Julia Gillard during the last election thus ensuring that the ALP were forced into a hung Parliament and had to do a deal with the Greens and Independents to achieve office?

6. Which ALP former leader, if re-elected by the Party to lead them would ensure the resignation from senior positions of Swan, Conroy, Roxon, Gillard and Tony Burke and ensure that the Party entered a new realm of vitriolic, revengeful infighting?

7.Which former PM has Mark Latham described as ‘a foul-mouthed, ill-tempered egotist’?

8. Which so-called Christian ALP member of the Federal Parliament caused the administration of the Federal Government to become so dysfunctional that his colleagues successfully removed him?

9. Which former PM made a promise to support a state premier, Morris Iemma, in regards to privatization of the power generation industry in that state and then left him to rot?

10. Which Federal Labor MP has no factional base in the party room?

11. Which former leader of the Federal ALP has a leaked YouTube video doing the rounds that demonstrates his bad temper and petulance and would be a perfect election campaign TV advertisement for the Coalition to attack his reputation?

12. Which Federal MP would David Koch of Channel 7 most like to be re-elected as PM?

13. Which former MP of the ALP , if his Party elected him again would ensure the antipathy of the public servants who he pulled from their beds at unearthly hours and kept them waiting while he pontificated with others in meetings about his high level of knowledge on every topic imaginable?

14. Which Federal MP forced his Communications Minister to travel with him on his jet as the only time available to discuss a proposal for a national infrastructure project that has the potential to leap-frog this country out of its productivity dip?

15. Which former PM ,if entrusted with that role again, would be most at odds with Ronald Reagan’s famous delegation style and would be totally bemused by Reagan’s view that “hard work never killed anybody but, hell, why take the risk?”

16. Which of the following famous Queenslanders has been mooted as having aspirations to lead the ALP : Bob Katter, Kevin Rudd, Barnaby Joyce, Peter Slipper, Campbell Newman, Mal Brough,  Clive Palmer, Grant Kenny?

 ...........................................................................................................................................................................................

The Blowfly found it wasn’t that difficult to come up with these questions and he believes he has just touched the tip of the iceberg.

He does wonder why more journalists have not asked these questions because, if they did, The Blowfly believes much of the anticipation about Rudd’s return would evaporate.

The Blowfly recalls the words of Andrew Peacock: “Politics is a bit like a revolving door and you’ve got to make sure you’re in it.”

Except you Kevvie! Except you!

Gotta zip!

2012: Kevin Rudd's thoughts

The Blowfly invites you to suppose, for a few brief minutes, that you have committed hideous crimes against humanity in a previous life and in order to purge your otherwise perfect soul you have reincarnated as none other than Kevin Rudd.

As part of your pain and suffering you are a resident of Queensland.

But not only are you a Queenslander, you are also a ‘Queensland politician’.

Oh dearie me!

Other Queensland politicians have, and now include, such renowned figures as Joh Bjelke-Petersen and his wife Lady Flo, Russ Hinze, Wayne Swan and …………….Bob Katter, of course!

The term intellectual has never been associated with these names-----nor for that matter with Queensland.

So for that reason you were the brightest star on the horizon in 2007.

Queensland was hoping that you would rise far above the horizon and allow wisdom about it’s quirky ways and unique needs to be distributed via your then silver-tongue.

But just as you did with Wayne Goss, when the levers of power were available to you, there was a rush of blood to your head.

You bullied. You cajoled. You swore. You made lots of behind-the-scenes phone calls. You kept important people waiting whilst you attended to minutiae.

In short, you were a bastard!

But somehow you believe that Australia would be best served by being in the hands of a bastard like you.

You have been stoking the fires with a few strategic leaks.

You love stirring the pot---although you hated people stirring it when you were PM!

After all, besides jetting all over the world , meeting world leaders and participating in lots of earth-shaping discussions what fun do you have nowadays?

You scan the newspapers daily to find a new area that would benefit from your considerable expertise and experience.

Despite your deep and abiding interest in comebacks you refrain from telephoning Ian Thorpe to advise him on his efforts to win more medals. It’s Julia’s job to mix with sportspeople now she is PM. Your phone call might be construed inappropriately.

You have thought about telephoning Hilary Clinton to provide condolences about the video of 3 marines urinating on Taliban fighters in the lead-up to peace negotiations. But on reflection you feel that the Yanks have been urinating on us since before the Second World War. That would be hypocritical!

You have refrained from ringing the guy who received 75 lashes for blasphemy in a Muslim country because you realize that there but for the grace of God go you! Although you are a Christian, with your track record, you probably would’ve got 150 lashes if they’d heard your efforts.

You are disappointed that you weren’t given a chance to show your considerable diplomatic skills when the 3 activists boarded the whaling ship. But then you applaud yourself by justifying Japan’s back-down because they knew they’d have to deal with you.

So this is what you are reduced to!

Waiting for something to occur that you can bend your considerable intellect to.

The Blowfly recalls the words of Housman: "I do not know upon what subject he will next employ his versatile incapacity."

A Dream of Two Political Hypocrites

Being a spiritual little insect The Blowfly has been trying to take more notice of his dreams as a source of wisdom and guidance.

Let me share with you a dream I had a few nights ago and see what you can make of it.

I was buzzing through a dingy little alley and I saw a light through a window. I stopped and looked in. There was a meeting in progress.

Tony Abbott and Kevin Rudd were sitting in the front row.

The chairman called the meeting to order and welcomed all attendees to the regular monthly meeting of Political Hypocrites Anonymous.

Tony Abbott was the first to speak.

“Hello”, he said, “I’m Tony Abbott and I’m a political hypocrite.”

“Last week I sought to woo the votes of small business owners.”

“During 2011 I visited over 130 businesses across Australia and became convinced that setting up a new deregulation taskforce to slash red tape would lighten the load on small business owners.”

“I appointed Senator Arthur Sinodinos, former chief of staff to John Howard, to head up a deregulation taskforce to save the economy $1 billion a year. Federal Labor has introduced a damaging compliance burden on Australia’s companies.”

“I proposed that the Coalition would reduce red tape by measures such as allowing small business owners to shift some of the responsibility for superannuation to the Tax Office and administering its parental paid leave scheme through an arm of government.”

“Most of you will see how big a hypocrite this makes me.”

“In respect to red tape, the biggest burden for business owners is the GST regime. Just ask any small business owner!"

"And this was introduced by the Howard-Costello Government----of which I was a Minister!”

“And not only was it introduced by Howard, but it was done after he had previously said he would not introduce it AND it was initiated by Howard unilaterally. He did not consult his Treasurer.”

“And no-one really believes that handing over administration of anything to government will reduce red tape.”

Tony then sat down and Kevin Rudd stood up.

“Hello I’m Kevin Rudd and I’m a political hypocrite,” he said without batting an eyelid.

“During the week I called for greater internal democracy in the ALP.”

“Most of you know the way I ran the country when I was PM.”

“I focussed power within my ‘gang of four’ and side-lined Cabinet as a decision-making body. Ministers found it hard to get to see me. My own department became a bottleneck because I wanted to control everything.”

“I have called for the ALP national conference to be ‘a genuine public contest of ideas’. Yet, the only national conference held while I was PM, in 2009, was the most sterile in the party's history.”

“By my order, not a single vote was allowed on the floor. Rank-and-file participation in pre-selections was severely depleted. A star chamber comprising key factional bosses within the national executive presided over pre-selections in key seats.”

“Most of you will understand immediately how big a political hypocrite I am.”

He then sat down.

Can anyone interpret the meaning of this dream for me?

The 'female touch' is just what Australians need during a flood crisis

"Robotic and rehearsed, my arse!"

The Blowfly was blessed with a secure position on the right shoulder of the Prime Minister. She was reading Shaun Carney's article in The Age on Saturday telling Australians that, in his humble view, she 'urgently needs to stop sounding robotic and rehearsed'.

The PM had been able to grab an 'Age' from one of her advisers as she was flitting around the countryside trying to provide solace to Queenslanders regarding the devastating floods they have experienced.

Wistfully she looked out the plane window.Her red hair seemed dull.Her perfume was a little stale. Her eyes almost produced a little tear.

But the willpower that helped her do 'what had to be done' regarding KRudd and his pitiful management style stood by her in this moment of need.

It had been a tough week for the PM.And The Blowfly had been along for the ride.

Firstly, Julia had the misfortune to be away from school when the class had the one-and-only geography lesson on Queensland. The PM was under the impression that 'St George' was either a dragon or a Sydney football team.And the class the 'floodplains' topic because they were listening to the Melbourne Cup.

Secondly, The Blowfly is of the opinion that the PM was poorly served by her sartorial team. While Anna Bligh was swanning around in jeans taking charge of the flood emergency Julia was burdened with a dark blue pants suit that looked like something she might've worn to the opening of Parliament. Not only was it hot and sweaty (most clothes except loin-cloths are 'hot and sweaty' in Queensland) but it also made her look like a cleric at the horse races.However in due course she managed to find something casual (you would have to be Blind Freddy not to be able to find casual attire in Queensland) and she was also able to look at home in the chaos that surrounded her---like Anna did!

And thirdly, The Blowfly observed that she just seemed to be 'over it'. Her annual holidays had been cut short by the asylum-seeker boat coming to grief on Christmas Island. And she had badly needed a good break.

Knocking off Kevin07, the election campaign and negotiations to sort out the hung parliament had all taken their toll.She desperately needed to be sunning herself on a beach in Fiji with a cocktail in one hand, that handsome brute Tim beside her whispering 'sweet nothings' into her ear and allowing her imagination run riot about all the 'unspeakables' they could get up to during their regular afternoon snooze.

The Blowfly homes in on her thoughts while she looks wistfully out the plane window.

"Shit there's a lot of water out there..........more than I have ever seen before...........climate change is certainly happening.............I wonder if we really are causing climate change...........hmmmmm......my hair looks dreadful.......I hope there's not a Women's weekly reporter at the airport.........Tim thinks I have a nice voice..........he loves it when I 'dress up' and give him all those instructions in a slow monotone........he says its a turn-on...........I can't help my voice......and anyway if it turns Tim on why would I want to change it?"

She turns to smile at Anna Bligh who is sitting in the seat across the aisle from her.

Anna is looking wistfully out the window on the other side.

"Maybe I could be more like her," the PM thinks, " I wonder if I could get a pair of jeans like hers to fit me? I wonder where she shops?"

The Blowfly is able to tune into Anna's thoughts.

"Shit there's a lot of water out there..........more than I have ever seen before...........climate change is certainly happening.............I wonder if we really are causing climate change...........hmmmmm.........my hair looks dreadful..........I hope there's not a Women's Weekly reporter at the airport......I need to make hay while the sun shines........I think I was stuffed before these floods.......the people were starting to doubt me.........how could they do that?..........Peter Beattie thought I had so much promise....... where did it all go wrong?"

"I wonder if I should be more like Julia?......... maybe these jeans are too casual?........ I wonder where she got her pants suit from?............I'm glad I don't have Kevin in my government.......... I'm glad I don't have to kiss Bob Katter's arse every week.............I don't know why they say she is 'sounding robotic and rehearsed'...............you should've heard Wayne Swan when he first took over as Treasurer.........he was pitiful!..........I think I might just be myself.........these jeans quite suit me.......and I feel a little younger again."

She looks across to see the PM smiling at her. The PM winks at her!

The Blowfly remembers the words of Hurst: "A woman has to be twice as good as a man to go half as far".

The Blowfly ponders whether a natural disaster will occur in New South Wales to help Kristina Keneally before the March election.

What would Gough be thinking about this election?

"Men and Women of Australia!

The decision we will make for our country on 2 December is a choice between the past and the future, between the habits and fears of the past, and the demands and opportunities of the future. There are moments in history when the whole fate and future of nations can be decided by a single decision. For Australia, this is such a time. It's time for a new team, a new program, a new drive for equality of opportunities: it's time to create new opportunities for Australians, time for a new vision of what we can achieve in this generation for our nation and the region in which we live. It's time for a new government - a Labor Government."

Some of you will be old enough to recognise the beginning of Gough Whitlam's policy speech on 13 November 1972.

In trying to make some sense of this election campaign The Blowfly thought he would try to understand what Gough Whitlam thinks of the current state of affairs.

The Blowfly understands that Gough's decision, whilst in Opposition, to establish dialogue with China was a visionary masterstroke splattered with lashings of extreme good luck. That was because Richard Nixon followed Gough's initiative to China and made Gough look good. China has now become a major trading partner taking huge slabs of our resources and contributing substantially to our nation's living standards.

He also had a strong view on 'boat people'.After Saigon was taken over by North Vietnamese troops in 1975 and thousands of Vietnamese refugees sought asylum in Australia. Gough said:

"I’m not having hundreds of fucking Vietnamese Balts coming into this country with their religious and political hatreds against us!"

And he was good for an entertaining comment or two as well.

During Whitlam's attendance of the 12th Annual Aria Awards, he said of Hawke's penis

"The Emperor does not concern himself with trifles."

Back in May The Blowfly saw reports that Australia's longest-living former prime minister, Gough Whitlam, had moved into an aged-care facility, Lulworth House, a facility attached to St Luke's in Elizabeth Bay, Sydney at the age of 93.The report also added that he "remained alert".

After battling with the Eastern Suburbs traffic The Blowfly found his way to the facility and located Gough's room and --------- his shoulder!

He was sitting in front of the TV watching an election roundup----and from time to time slipping into an afternoon kip and docile oblivion.

The Blowfly tuned in carefully to Gough's thoughts.They went as follows:

"God this election is boring!.......And where is the vision?........he breaks into a little ditty in his head......... "Why can't they be like we were, perfect in every way, oh what's the matter with politicians today?"........he hums a few more bars............. he nods off for a while......then the words of Lyndon B. Johnson to the economist John Kenneth Galbraith emanate from Gough's ancient grey-matter:

"Did y'ever think Ken,that making a speech on economics is a lot like pissing down your leg? It seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else.".......and so it is with politics", Gough thinks and chuckles to himself in his oblivion.

"This National Broadband Network seems like the only visionary thing anyone has raised during the campaign............it seems just like that gas pipeline that Rex Connor wanted to bring down to the cities from central Australia........... but why does that Conroy chap want to censor the Internet........the damned Christian lobby have been at it again..............the Sex Party want to review all censorship laws in Australia........what a great idea........that's the sort of thing I would've done...... at least we have a female PM now..........I wonder will I credit for that too?..........and I hope not too many people find out that that loser Rudd was encouraged by me to go into the diplomatic corp .........I didn't know that he would turn out to be such a micro-manager and control freak!..........at least they can't accuse me of that!.....I didn't really have that sort of control over anything............ and why does that total tool Mark Latham keep turning up on the campaign trail and also saying that he idolises me..........and why did they hold that debate at Rooty Hill for shit's sake?...........and why didn't Rudd intervene in the NSW branch of the party like I did in Victoria.......I detest it when the Unions run the parliamentary arm........and Christ, what will NSW do when they run out of electricity.......who is Mark Arbib anyway?.......and why didn't Paul Keating go and kick a few heads in NSW.......and why did that lovely Dutch girl leave him I wonder?.................zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...............why can't we put all those asylum seekers on Nauru or ............put them to work on wheat farms to shut all those whingeing farmers up........................zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."

You decide to let the poor dear sleep on.Anyone would feel tired after pondering these questions.

The words of Martin Luther King come into the The Blowfly's small brain channelled directly from Gough Whitlam's mind:

"Well I don't know what will happen now.We've got some difficult days ahead. But it does not really matter with me now, because I have been to the mountaintop. And I don't mind."

The Blowfly, savoring his moment from the comfort of Gough Whitlam's sleeping shoulders decides he should ponder a few questions of his own ;

• Billy McMahon and Tony Abbott both had big ears. Is that a sign that it's time to vote Labor again?
• Should you be pleased that the ALP machine had the guts to remove Rudd so close to an election?
  
• Or should you be sorry for the Libs when you ponder how interesting this election would've been had Malcolm Turnbull been the Opposition leader?
• Should we put our nation in the hands of a woman for a few more years?
• How will Julia overcome the grip of the NSW right on the Labor Government in NSW and allow it to rebuild the infrastructure needed to supply sufficient electricity to it's residents and provide the transport networks to get them to and from work?
• Do we really want to put the country in the hands of a Tory politician who thinks that the sun shines out of John Howard's backside and whose only experience with the potential of the internet is emails?
• Does Stephen Conroy really know what he is doing and how many young voters he is alienating with his internet censorship policy?
  
• Why wont the Coalition tell us, even with the benefit of hindsight,what they would've done to solve the impact of the Global Financial Crisis and how much debt we would now have if they'd had the levers?
• Why did Blanche bring out that book about Bob during the election campaign?
• Will Channel 9 keep Mark Latham on after the election?
• Does Joe Hockey need to walk the Kokoda Track again?
  
• zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
• zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"
  

So much for an election campaign, once described by Paul Lyneham as a 'high-budget , low quality soapie, usually lasting three weeks, in which leading pollies show their immense respect for voters by a combination of bribes and TV stunts; alternatively defined as a frantic attempt to inspire the apathetic with the implausible."

In this election we might well be in a 'parallel universe'

Should any of you be budding physicists then this election will constitute overwhelming evidence that the concept of 'parallel universes' is a distinct possibility.

The Blowfly has long had the capacity to jump between these parallel universes and now finds that many politicians have the same ability. But most of them don't realise that it is happening.

After KRudd's victory in 2007 The Blowfly had, on the morning after the election, experienced an 'altered state' and , although initially was totally confused in his new universe, he settled into the swing of it. The 'altered state' emanated from eating some rotting mushroom sauce dripping from on an old, half-eaten steak he found in a bin outside a Canberra restaurant frequented by pollies.

The Blowfly awoke this particular morning in another universe---- and in the year 2012.

In this universe John Howard had resigned in late 2006 to give Peter Costello a 'heads-up' to become Prime Minister. Costello had performed well, as had his Treasurer Malcolm Turnbull.Although the ALP still tipped Beazley out in favor of Rudd and Gillard it was not enough for them to win the election.

A Costello/Turnbull government was returned with jubilation only to be confronted by the GLOBAL FINANCIAL CRISIS. They handled this rather well by pouring money into the economy. They developed an 'education revolution' and initiated a school building programme, developed a programme to insulate Australian houses and also gave Australians back some of their taxes to spend. The complaint from the Opposition was that the $900 didn't go far enough and many bogans spent it on plasma tv's and poker machines.Later on the insulation programme ran into difficulties when the Minister in charge, Barnaby Joyce, did not respond quickly enough to safety concerns.

KRudd, as the Opposition leader, criticised the Government for spending too much and burdening the country with crippling debt. But Australia fared rather well, in comparison to other countries, and started to prosper again well before the 2010 election.

KRudd and his deputy, Gillard found it difficult to get traction during the 2010 campaign because Costello and Turnbull, despite the lack of warmth between them, were able to convince the electorate that not only had they applied normal Keynesian economic strategy to the GFC but they had also sprung energetically from a better base due to the good economic management of the Howard/Costello years.The electorate was grateful, and Costello's good-humored style and open-mindedness (that Howard had lacked), meant a 'no-contest' election campaign in 2010.

Meanwhile back on the hustings Gillard had difficulty dealing with KRudd's abrasive style. He was a know-all to say the least and had an irritating habit of lecturing to those who would listen about his latest pet theory. After the election loss to Costello/Turnbull in 2010 KRudd was removed by heavies from the NSW Right who realised that although he was knowledgeable he was also a nerd who held a higher opinion of himself than they did.Gillard then became the first female Federal Opposition leader.

About this time The Blowfly sneezed and found himself back in the middle of the 2010 election campaign.The sudden move back to reality was a little challenging.

Just when the polls were showing that the ALP were up against it John Howard has returned to 'fight the good fight' (no doubt with Janette's blessing to "help that nice young boy,Tony, who looks up to you and who thinks like you,John").

The Blowfly thinks that this might be just the boost Labor needs!

Howard criticizing Australia's first female PM and acting as if he were a succession-planning genius who had handed the reins over in plenty of time for Costello to win the last election.Howard nor Abbott seem to realise that Howard's appearance will simply remind many voters why they voted for the ALP in 2007.

At a time when most of the media is focusing on Gillard's asking Rudd to be more involved in the campaign no one has given a thought to the Workchoices wounds, the 'Tampa' wounds and the "I'm not going to resign because my wife wont let me" wounds that 'little Johnny' will open up.

Howard unfortunately finds himself in this universe when it is obvious he should be in the other one.The Blowfly also knows that hypocrisy is found in both places.

The Blowfly is over-joyed that Latham has appeared from the other universe to label his nemesis, KRudd, as a 'serial leaker' (who would've believed it!) and to be the conscience of all ALP leaders going forward during his lifetime.Erratic as ever but with a striking ability to 'cut to the chase' Latham is both revered and despised. A politician of his apparent honesty is one thing that this election needs to give it some excitement.But he is no longer a politician!

Latham has been in the other universe for a while but, The Blowfly would suggest, he finds it a lot more fun in this one.

KRudd ,in the meantime and after lamenting his lot in life in an altogether different universe where he went on to be our nation's saviour, has secured his future in a future Labor Government because of his 'generous' offer to campaign------ but not beside Gillard! She is damned if he does and damned if he doesn't.

And there are still many voters who think that Gillard moved in a pre-meditated way against KRudd.Although Philip Adams and Laurie Oakes will tell you differently, she would have also been seen as disloyal if knowing, before the election, about the polling results in Queensland (that KRudd was not willing to face up to), she had not forced the issue with him.

Can you imagine the furore within Gillard's own support-base the morning after KRudd had lead the ALP to a resounding defeat? Some party official would take great joy in leaking that she had not spoken up and acted in the interests of the Party and the trade union movement.

The Blowfly recalls a George W Bush quip: "It will take time to restore chaos and order."

And in the words of Gerald Ford: "Things are more like today than they have ever been before"

What is going on in the minds of the Swinging Voters?

In blowfly-land there is no such thing as an election.

Blowflies vote with their feet.

Much like swinging voters!

The swinging voters who are going to determine this election.

The ones who were so disillusioned with Howard hanging onto the leadership for so long that they finally, finally, finally relented and voted for Labor.

The ones who were so convinced by the ALP's TV advertisements on the diabolical nature of WorkChoices that their conscience would not let them vote Liberal.

The ones who saw a well-spoken nerd from Queensland take the reins of the ALP by undermining Kim Beazley.The very same ones who, seduced by his performance on 'Mel and Kochie's' innocuous little breakfast show, thought he could manage a progressive Australian government and,because he was a Christian, did not swear.

The ones who were so concerned about Howard's approach to asylum-seekers and thought that Labor had a better solution---whatever that was!

The ones who were so concerned about Japanese whaling in the southern ocean and who believed Kevin07 when he said he was going to do something about it as a matter of priority.

The ones who were so concerned about climate change and saw Australia not signing the Kyoto Protocol as a cop-out.These same people wanted further action so that our water-side suburbs might be spared inundation and falling property prices.

Where are these swinging voters?

What are they thinking about now?

And swinging voters do think----and they think a lot------that's why they swing!

They are quite different to the 'traditional' voter who does not have to think. The 'traditional' voter votes as their parents voted or how their priest tells them to vote.

The Blowfly has been using his psychic powers to the full this week. His antennae have been extended and going 'gang-busters'.

The Blowfly has been landing on the shoulders of swinging voters and channelling their thoughts to get a feel for the issues---as seen by swinging voters!

You won't be surprised to know that he has found that the media has been wrong on many issues.

For instance, The Blowfly's psychic research has shown that the people who are concerned about the rather speedy demise of KRudd are concerned only because they are ignorant of the damage he was doing.That's not to say that he had not achieved some good things. Rudd's style was probably well-suited to getting us through the global financial crisis. Punishing hours, unforgiving pressure for subordinates to perform, micro-management and small group , quick decision-making.But going forward, and with the back of the GFC broken, this style was damaging and not in our nation's interest.

The swinging voter appreciates that they vote for their local member and all local members choose their leader. If the leader is not performing the swinging voter expects that the local member would have the swinging voters' interests at heart and change the leader.They prefer their local member to have have 'balls' rather than exercise blind loyalty.

You won't be surprised to learn that the swinging voter could not give a 'rats' about whether Gillard went back on her word not to challenge. The swinging voter expected her to act in the best interests of her nation rather than to keep her promise to Kevin Rudd when all else was falling down around her.

And the swinging voter also understands that because KRudd was the leader, had lead the party to Government and appeared to know what he was doing , that she was expected to be initially tolerant of his foibles, bad language, nerdishness and micro-management.During the early part of World War 2 Hitler, who had far less experience than his Generals, also had some startling victories and was the 'man of the moment' until his naivete and inexperience caught up with him.She had to give Rudd some rein initially.

The swinging voter understands that she was part of the 'gang of 4' but as 'her own person' she will be different. Swinging voters are looking for the 'real her' rather than saying she is tarnished by her previous involvement.

The swinging voter is disappointed by the lateness of the Rudd Government's foray into whaling in the southern ocean by bringing a case before the World Court. But they realise that there was a GFC to deal with and the implications flowing from it.Like the 'home insulation affair' which came back to bite it and chewed up a stack of administrative energy.

And do you want to hear the funniest thing The Blowfly discovered in his foray into the thoughts of swinging voters?

He discovered that swinging voters are really quite proud to have a female as PM---and a 'ranga' at that! What a bonus!

The thought of having a former trainee priest and 'Howard clone' in The Lodge is quite abhorrent to them.

This does not bode well for a close election!

But for the election campaign it does bode well.

All Julia Gillard has to do to grab the headlines is to change her hair-style,wear a stunning new outfit or show a bit of leg.

Tony Abbott will never be able to match that.

The pressure on KRudd is simply delicious.

The Blowfly is keeping a close eye on KRudd these days because he knows he holds the key to our short and long term futures.

Kevvie is under severe pressure.

Looking forward he has the fight with the miners on his plate coming up to an election. Initially he had the support of the academic economists and that counted for something.But now some of the professional economists such as Chris Richardson from Access Economics have opposed the new resources tax.

The mining companies have a lot to lose with this fight so you can expect that they will run the ball up hard.You see all around the world mining companies are extracting non-renewable resources from the ground. Many of the poorer nations such as Nigeria and Brazil would be keeping an eye on how Australia handles this. These nations stand to benefit in 2 ways.

Firstly ,if we get our resources tax in place and overcome the howls of the miners then they might then change their tunes and impose resource taxes too.

And secondly, if the miners are true to their word, that the tax will stifle new investment,then this investment will undoubtedly go to places like Nigeria and Brazil.

For those countries it is a simple win/win situation.

We are putting our sovereign wealth on the line. David Murray the head-honcho of the Future Fund has questioned the Governments stance. no doubt he is concerned about the bigger and long-term future. If investment in Australia does fall away the value of the Future Fund will take a hit and we will have difficulties meeting the unfunded pension liabilities of public servants.

Coming up to an election it is a high-risk game to be playing.

Kevvie has also lost face because of the insulation scheme failure and the deferral of the ETS not to mention the 11th hour bid to tackle Japan about their whaling practices before the international court.

And to top it all off he has a very capable deputy strutting her stuff in the wings.She seems unable to put a foot wrong or draw a suitable controversy or stuff-up to herself.

Then we have the gradual expression by the business community that they know why his "I need to have my hands on every lever" approach is constraining policy implementation. Lindsay Fox expressed it during the week. If you are in business you have to delegate and assign to other people otherwise you are cactus and a burden on the health system.

Julia Gillard runs a big department.She seems to have the capacity to run the country with one arm tied behind her back.

Kevvie knows that he will probably get back in but even if he does with his present management regime the writing is on the wall for him.

He probably needs to read Ronald Reagan's memoirs and some of Peter Drucker's books.

Kevvie needs to keep his mind on the bigger picture.Doing the right things at present is more imperative than doing things right.

In the words of Murrow:"The obscure we see eventually, the completely apparent takes longer."

And if that is not enough The Blowfly remembers the words of Adams: "Success has made failures of many men."

The Blowfly admits to feeling a certain warmth for Kevvie.But deep down he realises his affection is purely opportunistic.Kevvie is in deep shit and blowflies revel in deep shit.It is pure bliss!

Gillard however is a 2-edged sword. If she gets to be PM there might be less shit.She doesn't speak Mandarin!But the cartoonists will have a field day. A female PM!A 'ranga' to boot!And married to a hairdresser!

As the actress said to the Bishop, "Gee that's a hard one!"

Behind every clever PM is a sharper woman.

This week The Blowfly has found himself back in the realms of the seat of real power------The Lodge--------and the home of Therese Rein and her husband, Kevin07, KRudd or Kevvie ----as she adoringly calls him !

It hadn't been a good week for Kevvie because he had taken a hiding in the Parliament from the new Opposition leader, Tony Abbott.And also it appears that the populace are starting to wonder whether his promise to fix the health system was one of those Bob Hawke classics like 'no Australian child will be living in poverty'.

Also Peter Garrett had let Kevvie down by appearing to be a little vulnerable over the insulation affair where young workers have lost their lives.

But Therese was on top of the world!

She had shown Joanna Griggs from Channel 7 around The Lodge showing off not only her lovely garden but also her new slimmer figure.

It is obvious that she is feeling pretty good about herself but this is at a time when Kevvie has some doubts about himself coming up to the election later this year. His 19 marginal seats are weighing heavily on his mind and he is not quite his loving self.

The Blowfly has always been a not-so-secret Therese fan.

He thinks that Therese is really where the KRudd persona emanates from. And this week he simply had his position reinforced.

Kevvie was sitting in his study at The Lodge reading The Australian and mentally preparing his next boringly , shitful essay to impress the voters about his intellectual prowess.

Therese literally sprang into the room sporting a huge smile and giving him a lovely peck on the cheek.

"You're in a good mood, darling", said Kevvie, "Why are you so happy?"

"Well ", she said, " I've just come back from my annual physical check-up and pap smear etc and the doctor says that I have the breasts of a 30 year old woman". Her eyes glistened with pride.

The Blowfly could see Kevvie's mind working. Shaped by the events of the week he boldly replied.

"Did the doctor say anything about your 52 year old arse?"

Therese stopped dead in her tracks, but without blinking, replied: " No, your name was not mentioned"

The Blowfly choked and found himself totally decomposed. The last time he had found himself floating through space laughing from his wings to his smelly feet was when Anita Keating told Paul that he was 'a little too over-bearing' for her.

But that is the lot of a politician! Captive to his wife's personality.

The Blowfly recalls the famous quip of Sir Robert Menzies to sugar growers in Bundaberg in 1953.

He told them that when people met his wife they thought rather better of him."With a wife like that', they think, "he can't be as bad as we thought."

And so it is with Kevvie!

The Rise and the Rise of Kevin Rudd's Wife---She is Nobody's Poppet!

The lot of a Prime Minister’s wife is not an easy one.

It is extremely hard to please all of your husband’s constituency. It doesn’t matter how you play the game someone is going to criticise you.

Dame Pattie Menzies was ‘too much of a lady’. Dame Zara Holt was ‘too homely and yet too posh’. Sonia McMahon was ‘too glamorous’. Tammy Fraser was ‘too mundane’. Hazel Hawke was ‘too tolerant of her husband’. Anita Keating was ‘too smart’-----that’s why the first thing she did when Paul vacated was to get her life back and ‘leave the bastard’. We all sympathised with her! If Turnbull’s republic had’ve got up she would’ve been a walk-up start to being our first President based on her ‘ballsy’ effort in telling Paul Keating exactly what she thought of him---and confirming what the rest of us suspected about him!

And Janette Howard! Well she was far ‘too precious’ about her husband’s lot in life. Can you imagine sitting outside your husband’s door like a Sentinel vetting visitor’s and being involved in conversations with Ministers who had been asked to report back about his prospects of winning the next election? Most wives could not give a ‘rats’ about their husband hanging on in politics----they would prefer them to vacate and get on with their lives! But Janette had got used to Kirribilli House and the trappings and -------her kids had left home and she had nothing better to do!

So you will understand why The Blowfly has recently become more interested in Therese Rein, the poor, long-suffering wife and partner of one Kevvie Rudd--------our country’s supposed 'leader'.

Having penetrated the PM’s house before Christmas ,The Blowfly felt compelled to do a return visit early in the new year to understand more of her contribution to the PM's thinking----whatever there is of his thinking!

She can usually read his thoughts---as most wives can---but when he is aware of this he begins thinking in Mandarin to throw her off the scent of his brilliance.

So let me set the scene for you.

I am on Therese’s shoulder as she climbs a ladder in the PM’s study in their Brisbane home. It is a modest study roughly 3.7m by 3.7m and with a normal ceiling of about 2.1m.

In her hands she has a large Kellogg’s cornflakes box. In her mouth she has a sticky tape dispenser. Although The Blowfly is used to dizzy heights she is not. You are careful not to try any antics that might distract her lest her much-recently-reduced-voluptuosness falls from the ladder.

She gets to the top, rests the sticky tape dispenser on the top rung of the ladder, extracts two good 6 inch pieces of tape and places the Cornflakes box in the top left hand corner of the room against the ceiling. Deftly she places one piece of sticky tape under the box and affixes it to the wall. With the other piece of tape she attaches the box to the side wall. Several more pieces of tape later she has the box ‘going nowhere’.

But the Kellogg’s cornflakes box is now positioned firmly where it will attract the PM’s attention when next he sits at his desk.

Now she reaches into her bra and extracts a sewing pin and sticks it part-way into the box.

The Blowfly is fascinated with this escapade. He is puzzled yet full of admiration for her. It was no mean feat to position the cornflakes as she has.

She alights from the ladder, straightens herself and smiles one of the largest smiles you have ever seen from a PM’s wife. Mostly they have precious little to smile about! And there is also a severe twinkle in her eyes. You can see why Kevvie loves her.

As she admires her work you tune into her thoughts and catch something along the following lines. “That will make that little Mandarin-speaking, egocentric bastard think! And when he shares it with Penny ‘2 Wong’s don’t make a Wight’ it will be just one almighty hoot. I wish I’d be able to see her face. God, I’m brilliant! No wonder he married me. Not only am I sexy and wealthy---I am also smarter than him.”

You glance up at the cornflakes box with the pin impaled in it and wonder what-the-hell she is thinking about. Your minute little brain is unable to comprehend this woman's intentions----you after all are a male blowfly.

She retires from the study and goes about her normal household duties. But there is a definite jauntiness about her. You even sense that she is enjoying the ironing-----now that is a first! Most thinking men know that they are in trouble when their wife starts enjoying the ironing.

The Blowfly positions himself near the kitchen bin, feasting for most of the afternoon.

But as soon as you hear Kevvie's Commonwealth car in the driveway you re-position yourself on Therese Rein’s shoulder to enjoy the show that is about to unfold before your eyes.

In he walks be-spectacled and bearing the weight of Australia’s problems on his weedy shoulders. He goes straight to the study to throw his brief-case down---just like he used to do when he came home from school----most men never change! As he does you hear this almighty shriek as he exclaims in his new social media lingo “WTF?”-----which is the jargon exclamation from his Twittering!

From the study he emerges positively bemused by the new ornament adorning the area above his desk.

“Therese, what the hell is that thing in the corner of my study above my desk?”

“Darling,” she says impishly, “I thought you would never notice!”

“Darling, you know how, in our marriage to date, I have made all the money and you have the brains?”

His heads nods slowly, very slowly------ but surely!

“Well from now on we are going to reverse our roles. You are going to make the money and I will be the clever one!”

He nods again with his eyes rolling gently back in his head.

“I’ve been trying to get my head around all this climate change stuff you’ve been rubbing into me since the election. And yesterday I came across a Letter to the Editor from a guy who used to run the Munmorah Power Station near Newcastle.”

“Yeeeessss!”, Kevvie stammers knowing that he is on a hiding to nothing with this line .

“Let’s imagine that your study represents the atmosphere of our lovely planet. The carbon dioxide volume is presently about .038%---up from .034% about 50 years ago. That cornflakes box represents the same proportional volume of carbon dioxide in your study,” she continues with spiff and spunk.

“Did you see the pin sticking out of the box?” she questions.

It had eluded his ever-present ocular vigilance and he returns to the study to check it out. He nods upon his return.

“Well that constitutes the volume of carbon dioxide that would be achieved if Australia achieves a 20% reduction in it’s emissions.We only produce 1% of the world's total emissions.” She turns her back to turn the kettle off.

“So the only people who are going to benefit from achieving the emissions reduction target in Australia are the people operating the carbon trading schemes, the people receiving subsidies for solar energy installations and innovation and the tradesmen installing insulation. So you go to it! You see if you and Turnbull can get that emissions trading scheme up and running because, between you both ---and Goldman Sachs--- we should be able to work out a way of making a fortune out of it”. She smiles at him with an all-knowing smile that only a wife can give.

He looks at her in stunned silence.

Your antennae go up. His thoughtful response emerges. He thinks to himself.

“Bitch! Now I’ve got two to put up with! I don’t know who will be worse----Therese or Penny?”

Your research into Therese’s capacities as the PM’s wife has been richly rewarded. If Turnbull’s republic ever got up Therese would surely leapfrog over Anita Keating for President.

Should Rudd engineer more help from the Liberals?

This sunny Sunday afternoon we find Kevvie Rudd, our noble leader, on leave and pondering the forthcoming year, the world and his role in the prosperity and advancement of mankind.

He is lazing in an easy chair in his back-yard and is the epitome of a relaxed politician---- wearing an old and, fashionably faded, 'Kevin07' t-shirt from the last election--- and thongs. Modestly, a pair of footy shorts presented to him by Wally Lewis years ago after a rare Queensland loss in a State of Origin series, adorn his thighs.

Sitting in the shade he is allowing his mind to free-flow a little. The election later in the year is on his mind.The press is starting to speculate about it and it has got him thinking---reluctantly!

The Blowfly has lost none of his psychic capacity despite the gastronomic excesses of the Xmas period. Kevvie's thoughts come to you in a lucid fashion---similar to the way that Tiger Woods seems to find trouble in 'the rough'.

Initially he started with the usual questions."Have I done enough?...... Should I work even longer hours?..... Why doesn't Julia get another makeover?...... What happened to Wayne's sense of humour?...... Why can't he be more like Peter Costello?....... Will the Australian public mind me not having the $42 billion stimulus package approved by Cabinet?..... Does Tony Abbott look better in swimmers than me?.......Where do UFO's come from?.......Did JFK really get assassinated because he had instructed the CIA to hand over the UFO files to the Soviet Union as a pre-cursor to collaboration on their respective space programmes?....... If Therese keeps on losing weight would she be a vote-catcher in bathers or a vote-loser?.........Do carbon emission trading arrangements really destroy indigenous farmlands around the world?..........Was Obama really groomed for the presidency by key members of the Trilateral Commission?..............What was I thinking about?........Ahhh, the election."

" I am extremely grateful that I learnt Mandarin and opened up all those new neural pathways in my tiny little Queensland brain.There is quite a lot to think about really when you have to run a country full of yobbo's and pretentious lawyers."

"But being PM is such a hoot ," he thinks."I didn't realise it could be this much fun when I was planning it all.Mel and Kochie and Joe and I were such a good act.Joe made me look like such a learned chap........The Liberals are such a sharing crew.... I owe quite a lot to the Liberals when I stop to think about it."

" Malcolm gave me a hand with the ETS---although it didn't get over the line--it wasn't through any lack of his trying....Tim Fischer has supported me to get the Catholic vote at the next election when he accepted my invitation to be the ambassador at the Holy See.... Amanda Vanstone has been really loyal to me during her time in Italy and Peter Costello will be really grateful to me for his appointment to the Board of the Future Fund..... I doubt if he will be anything but helpful from here on in. That Future Fund stuff is a really good junket for him and he will probably get that job with Goldman Sachs that he really wants."

"And even my old foe Tony Abbott!.... He's such a good Christian---just like me! He recently advocated that all school children should be reading the Bible as part of their studies. What a good idea!.... I wonder if we could legislate for that?..... It's really a pity that Tony and I have to fight each other in an election campaign this year.....He would've made such a good priest!......Although when I saw that photo of him in his budgie-smugglers it probably would've been a waste...... I wonder how I can preserve my Christian principles on the campaign trail when my Party---and Paul Keating ---expect that I should take poor old Tony apart?"

" I'll bet those back-room boys will focus on asylum seekers and our refugee policy and start harking on it as we come into the election.......Oh dear me, how will I handle that?........I'm such a compassionate fellow and my Christian beliefs mean that we should offer them all asylum......'Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy'"

A new line of thinking squeezes its way into his highly organised Queensland brain.

"What would Jesus do?" he ponders.

"Hmmmm!.... That certainly is hard..... Turn the other cheek?..... Do unto others as they would do unto me?...... Oh I know!....Of course.......Matthew 5:44.'Love your enemies and those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you'"

You watch his face contort from behind. His ears twitch a little.You can see that his mother's exhortations to 'wash behind your ears Kevin' have been ignored for the last few weeks.

Then a miracle happens! Or so it appeared to The Blowfly anyway---at the time!

A small bird shits on Kevvie's head. A little light comes on in the home of his neurons.

"Why don't I appoint more Liberals to positions helpful to the ALP?......What a strategic winner-of-votes that will be?"

"Malcolm Turnbull has got the shits with his party. I could appoint him to the World Bank or something similar.......There he can rub shoulders with his old mates from Goldman Sachs....... Or maybe Ambassador to the US?...... Phillip Ruddock would probably love a fancy gig somewhere........ Not to mention Bronwyn Bishop.For God's sake, Shadow Minister for the Aged! She should be in a home herself."

His sharp political mind goes into evaluation phase.

"The problem is going to be getting Paul Keating to see the method in my madness...... He goes berserk every time I make one of the these 'wise political appointments'......He's not a Christian like me....... He's not magnanimous like me! That's why his wife left him and Therese is still with me."

" Maybe I'd better run it past Caucus first!"

He arises from his easy chair and heads to the pool where Therese is giving her new bathers a run.

"Therese. Therese.....What do you think about this idea?"

At this point you sniff a new aroma coming from the kitchen and it distracts you from the robust decision-making process in train. You take your leave knowing that Australia has the leadership it deserves.