Just suppose you were Bob Katter

Albert Einstein used to conduct 'mind experiments'.

That was how he developed his Theory of Relativity.He imagined he was riding around our Universe sitting on a beam of light.

The Blowfly is no Einstein!

But he is capable of mind experiments! And this week he has been riding his own 'beam of light'. It has been a fascinating journey.

On Monday morning The Blowfly, using his enormous brain (one that would compare favorably to Tony Abbott's), got inside Bob Katter's brain.

It was a straightforward 'mind experiment' which started with a simple assertion followed by a question:

"Just suppose I was Bob Katter. What would that mean?"

Well it meant that I was an Independent MP from North Queensland. My seat would take in Mt Isa, Julia Creek, Charters Towers, Innisfail and Normanton.

My constituents would include miners, cane growers, cattle producers, banana growers, small businesses and fishermen.

The electorate covers 568,993 square km's.This is 8.3 times the size of Tasmania.

My electorate has been severely affected by the neo-liberal and economic rationalist policies of both the Coalition and Labor governments.

They don't value the interests of my constituents over 'their' constituents.

They think I am mad. One reason is because I wear a big hat. I like wearing my big hat because I need to get people's attention. Some say that they can 'see me coming'.

I am mad. I am fuming mad.Make no mistake! I am mad.

The National Party has mostly held the 'balance of power' in the Coalition Governments but they decided not to stand apart from the Liberals.They can't think for themselves. They have to be told what is good for their constituents by the Liberals who represent the city electorates.

Woolworths and Coles dominate the Australian food scene. They make their profits by screwing my constituents down. My constituents are often told that next year the farm-gate price will have to be 10% lower.Meanwhile, for example, banana growers in my electorate are 'helped' in this endeavour by imported bananas from the Philipines.This was allowed by a Coalition government.They are supposed to be our friends."With friends like these, who needs enemies?"

Sugar growers are also 'helped' by economic rationalist policies.

I quite liked Tony Windsor's maiden speech in the House when he said that the message that such policies 'sends to country communities is to proceed to your nearest major rural centre, go to the coast, go to Sydney or go to buggery.'

This is what I am up against. Dickheads from both sides of politics tell me what is good for the constituents of my electorate.

Journalists think I'm a tool. Politicians think I'm an idiot. And the National Party think I am down-right dangerous. They see me as the enemy. That is because if I get my way then more people will sit as Independents in the country areas. This will decimate them.

They looked forward to the release of my 'priority list' because they thought it was going to be a joke.

But when they saw it many Australians thought it was quite reasonable.

Capping Coles & Woolies market share at 22.5%,limiting their price mark-ups,targeting an ethanol component in fuel,bringing the dollar down to help exports and stimulate import-replacement industries and restricting the foreign ownership of farming land resonated with thinking Australians who are genuinely thinking about the future of our nation.

My constituents are so wide-spread that they are not going to benefit from fibre-optic cable personally because they will use wireless and satellites. But I reckon the NBN is going to be a great way to move our nation forward. I agree with Tony Windsor on that!

I've sat through the briefings of the last week and I don't like what I hear.

It seems to me that Tony Abbott tried to buy the election. He's a tricky bastard just like Howard was.

And it seems to me that the ALP did pretty well to get us through the GFC. Sure they might've spent a bit more than they needed but that was a lot better than not spending enough.

I didn't like the way that Kevin Rudd was rolled either. But I had heard the rumour-mill grinding out all those stories about how his office was becoming a bottle-neck for policy decisions.And the mining tax was a disaster!Whatever was he thinking?

I do have my doubts about climate change.But so do many others in the bush!They have seen droughts and floods. The hottest January in a century, the wettest spring in a century etc etc etc etc . But the fact is that it was that hot 100 years ago or that wet 100 years ago. That is what we experience in the bush---cycles!

I see that the Coalition boys are telling me that I wont be game to go back to my electorate if I support Labor.The don't know anything!My electorate expects that I will exploit this opportunity to the hilt. They don't want me to waste it by behaving like a National and just going along with the Libs. If I support the ALP I'll pick up a stack of votes next time from all those miners. It's a win-win!

But what is best for my electorate? That's the question.

I think that I'm going to support Julia.

She seems like the one most likely to play it straight with me.

..........................................................................................................

So there you have it!

That's what's going on inside Katter's head.

Now for one more 'mind experiment'.Try this one out for size.

Just suppose that you were any one of the following:

• a banana grower whose livelihood is threatened by imports
• an Innisfail business person whose business has been substantially affected by floods
• a homeless Aboriginal person who is trying to find work
• a Methodist minister who is trying to help a family who had been evicted from their farm
• a miner who has been unfairly dismissed from his job
  
• a pregnant teenager who has been kicked out of her home by her parents because of her 'condition'
  
• a vegetable grower who was recently told by 'your man from Woolies' that next year the farm gate price is going to be 10% lower and you have to become more efficient or get out

You decide that you will appeal to your local member for help.

Would you prefer to have Tony Abbott or Bob Katter as your local member?

Little Tensions that the Hung Parliament has created

This week The Blowfly has been a 'sensitive new age blowfly' otherwise known in the surrounds of the garbage bin that is Australian politics as a SNAB.

A SNAB is particularly sensitive to the tension in the air and sometimes , if it gets too much, The Blowfly has to get into a politician's ear to seek refuge.

The Blowfly started counting all the tensions that have arisen because of the 'hung parliament' but soon ran out of wings and toes. Here are the tensions The Blowfly could identify:

1. Bob Katter has raised the notion that his electorate is being affected by the ravages of 'economic rationalism'. He has pointed out that these policies affect his constituents more than those in the cities. In the country areas economic rationalism produces suicides and business failure as industries are decimated by competition from imports (such as bananas) and removal of tariffs (such as on sugar).When jobs go people often go because there are fewer employers to take up the gap.Rural communities often die as a result.
   
2. The intellectual capacities of the public service , especially Treasury, has been challenged by the Opposition. The Opposition's economic policies would be too difficult for them to understand and evaluate. This is the Opposition's way of building a good working relationship with the mandarins that pull the levers on a day-to-day basis.
3. People who are staunch members of political parties will be questioning their 'staunchness' . That is because they will come to understand the political power that Independents are able to wield in particular circumstances. Dyed-in-the-wool Nats, Libs and Labor people have been fed the line by their parties that the only way to achieve reform and change is to be a member of a political party. People who are in the seats of Independent members of parliament know better.
4. National Party members will feel even more hatred and contempt for Independents.In the country areas usually you know what the word 'emasculation' means because you've seen it happen to an animal. When you join the National Party you do so because you believe that things will change by being in cahoots with the Liberals. Some come to realise that they are 'emasculated' by this arrangement.( Paul Lyneham has described the Coalition as 'an arrangement that saves the Nationals from having to think for themselves") When you see the light you either become disheartened,disillusioned or an Independent or advocate for an Independent.
5. The National Party parliamentarians will become even more suspicious of their Liberal compatriots because the Independents are now setting the agenda. This is alien to good Nats who believe that they have ultimate wisdom regarding the agenda for regional Australia. The Nats will hate to see any progress attributed to the Independents because their own relevance is being questioned.And somewhere in some National-held electorate another 'faithful' member may seek to defect simply because they want to put the interests of their constituents before the interests of the Coalition.
6. There is a classic battle continuing between two opposing forces in modern capitalism----the workers and the owners.In 2007 the unions found a winner in Rudd. In 2010 the mining industry decided to take on the unions and clipped their wings. That is why Arbib and Bitar have worked so hard to keep Labor in power.
7. The parliamentary arm of the ALP and the unions, as backers of the ALP, are also examining their relationship publicly. Arbib and Bitar's roles also being debated within the realms of the Labor movement.They have been referred to as 'quants'----those who are simply interested in the outcomes of focus groups.They were also responsible for the fall of Morris Iemma in NSW who was trying to ensure that the state had sufficient electricity after 2014. While the unions are not against privatisation as such, they are against job losses. It is estimated that 3000 jobs would be lost if the last remaining state-owned power generators were sold off. Anna Bligh , the federal president of the ALP has already indicated that she does not want to see the NSW disease spread.The term 'faceless men' is now being used freely again.As Sydney-siders become increasingly grid-locked by their decaying transport infrastructure we will hear the term more frequently.
   
8. The higher informal vote at this election has also caused many politicians to reflect on their own behaviour. This is a message from voters that none of the candidates are seen as suitable. If we have to go back to another election to solve this hung parliament the political machine both know that whoever can snatch these votes may well win the election.
9. Christians and the Christian lobby are being pitted against young people.Many young people, who are heavy users of the Internet, are violently opposed to censorship of it. Many would-be Labor voters could be captured if the ALP was able to tell Stephen Conroy to desist from his initiatives in this area.But of course the Christian lobby would then question its support of Labor.This means that the interests of the Christian lobby are in direct competition with young, IT-savvy people who are the future of our nation---as is the NBN.Conroy seems incapable of seeing that child pornography will not be stopped by censorship. It will take police action.
10. Sitting Prime Ministers somehow deserve to have their foibles ignored by their peers.Some people still think that Gillard 'knifed' Rudd whereas others believe that she should be granted some sort of medal for having removed a bad-mouthed, bad-tempered,pretend-Christian micro-manager from a position where he was about to totally stuff our country.It seems that 'ignorance is still bliss'.Especially in Queensland where no-one seems to be able to work out whether the ALP lost seats because of Rudd's mining tax or because Rudd was 'knifed'.
11. Climate change may not be the 'greatest moral challenge of our time'.If it was then we would've heard something about it during the election campaign.Many scientists are appalled. So is Malcolm Turnbull.He put his leadership on the line over it and lost it by one vote.
12. Hypocrisy is not a vote-loser in election campaigns.The thought of Tony Abbott passing judgement on KRudd's premature departure still makes me cringe.Tony Abbott telling us that he would 'never ever introduce Workchoices' made The Blowfly vomit.Why doesn't the media pick this up and highlight it? We might find now that the media are aware that they have a responsibility to question our leaders about the stupid things they say.The tension here is between the media and the people who read the papers and watch the TV.
    

The Blowfly is hopeful that these tensions will produce a better nation and a better quality of garbage in the bins around Parliament House where he has to live.

As he ponders Australia's plight The Blowfly concludes that the Australian populace have simply elected 3 Independent members of Parliament to assess the financial implications of the Coalition's election promises.

When they have done this and made up their mind we will have a Government.

The Blowfly has a quiet confidence that our nation is in good hands.

And he hopes the Independents have seen the words of Disraeli: "Next to knowing when to seize an opportunity, the most important thing in life is to know when to forgo an advantage."

The 'real elephant in the room' is Rudd's management----not Rudd!

One of the lingering misgivings of this campaign is the way "Rudd was dumped"

The Blowfly sees the press fuelling it everyday.

This morning a union leader hung his hat on it.

All the evidence appears to be that the Rudd Government was becoming dysfunctional because of Rudd's personal style which simply replicated what he had overseen in Goss's office when Goss was the Queensland Premier.

An old quote that has been going round in The Blowfly's head for years is "that lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny". And they sure do!

We can only be grateful that the ALP cherished the future of our country to the extent that they were prepared to bite the bullet so close to an election rather than letting it linger.

But Rudd's management , not Rudd himself , is the real 'elephant in the room'.

And no-one has seemed to pick up on it during the campaign.The Blowfly can understand why the ALP have not honed in on because of their embarrassment.But he thinks that it would've been fair game for the Opposition.

One thought The Blowfly had was that the Opposition had not picked up on it because of their embarrassment at Howard losing the last election because his ego would not let him relinquish the leadership to Costello.

But The Blowfly has concluded that such a conclusion would demonstrate too much humanity from the Opposition rather than hypocrisy.

And hypocrisy is the basic tenet of this election campaign.

The Blowfly will be happy to have this election over and done with so our leaders can start to deal with each other with some modicum of civility . As much as any politician can!

What would Gough be thinking about this election?

"Men and Women of Australia!

The decision we will make for our country on 2 December is a choice between the past and the future, between the habits and fears of the past, and the demands and opportunities of the future. There are moments in history when the whole fate and future of nations can be decided by a single decision. For Australia, this is such a time. It's time for a new team, a new program, a new drive for equality of opportunities: it's time to create new opportunities for Australians, time for a new vision of what we can achieve in this generation for our nation and the region in which we live. It's time for a new government - a Labor Government."

Some of you will be old enough to recognise the beginning of Gough Whitlam's policy speech on 13 November 1972.

In trying to make some sense of this election campaign The Blowfly thought he would try to understand what Gough Whitlam thinks of the current state of affairs.

The Blowfly understands that Gough's decision, whilst in Opposition, to establish dialogue with China was a visionary masterstroke splattered with lashings of extreme good luck. That was because Richard Nixon followed Gough's initiative to China and made Gough look good. China has now become a major trading partner taking huge slabs of our resources and contributing substantially to our nation's living standards.

He also had a strong view on 'boat people'.After Saigon was taken over by North Vietnamese troops in 1975 and thousands of Vietnamese refugees sought asylum in Australia. Gough said:

"I’m not having hundreds of fucking Vietnamese Balts coming into this country with their religious and political hatreds against us!"

And he was good for an entertaining comment or two as well.

During Whitlam's attendance of the 12th Annual Aria Awards, he said of Hawke's penis

"The Emperor does not concern himself with trifles."

Back in May The Blowfly saw reports that Australia's longest-living former prime minister, Gough Whitlam, had moved into an aged-care facility, Lulworth House, a facility attached to St Luke's in Elizabeth Bay, Sydney at the age of 93.The report also added that he "remained alert".

After battling with the Eastern Suburbs traffic The Blowfly found his way to the facility and located Gough's room and --------- his shoulder!

He was sitting in front of the TV watching an election roundup----and from time to time slipping into an afternoon kip and docile oblivion.

The Blowfly tuned in carefully to Gough's thoughts.They went as follows:

"God this election is boring!.......And where is the vision?........he breaks into a little ditty in his head......... "Why can't they be like we were, perfect in every way, oh what's the matter with politicians today?"........he hums a few more bars............. he nods off for a while......then the words of Lyndon B. Johnson to the economist John Kenneth Galbraith emanate from Gough's ancient grey-matter:

"Did y'ever think Ken,that making a speech on economics is a lot like pissing down your leg? It seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else.".......and so it is with politics", Gough thinks and chuckles to himself in his oblivion.

"This National Broadband Network seems like the only visionary thing anyone has raised during the campaign............it seems just like that gas pipeline that Rex Connor wanted to bring down to the cities from central Australia........... but why does that Conroy chap want to censor the Internet........the damned Christian lobby have been at it again..............the Sex Party want to review all censorship laws in Australia........what a great idea........that's the sort of thing I would've done...... at least we have a female PM now..........I wonder will I credit for that too?..........and I hope not too many people find out that that loser Rudd was encouraged by me to go into the diplomatic corp .........I didn't know that he would turn out to be such a micro-manager and control freak!..........at least they can't accuse me of that!.....I didn't really have that sort of control over anything............ and why does that total tool Mark Latham keep turning up on the campaign trail and also saying that he idolises me..........and why did they hold that debate at Rooty Hill for shit's sake?...........and why didn't Rudd intervene in the NSW branch of the party like I did in Victoria.......I detest it when the Unions run the parliamentary arm........and Christ, what will NSW do when they run out of electricity.......who is Mark Arbib anyway?.......and why didn't Paul Keating go and kick a few heads in NSW.......and why did that lovely Dutch girl leave him I wonder?.................zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...............why can't we put all those asylum seekers on Nauru or ............put them to work on wheat farms to shut all those whingeing farmers up........................zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."

You decide to let the poor dear sleep on.Anyone would feel tired after pondering these questions.

The words of Martin Luther King come into the The Blowfly's small brain channelled directly from Gough Whitlam's mind:

"Well I don't know what will happen now.We've got some difficult days ahead. But it does not really matter with me now, because I have been to the mountaintop. And I don't mind."

The Blowfly, savoring his moment from the comfort of Gough Whitlam's sleeping shoulders decides he should ponder a few questions of his own ;

• Billy McMahon and Tony Abbott both had big ears. Is that a sign that it's time to vote Labor again?
• Should you be pleased that the ALP machine had the guts to remove Rudd so close to an election?
  
• Or should you be sorry for the Libs when you ponder how interesting this election would've been had Malcolm Turnbull been the Opposition leader?
• Should we put our nation in the hands of a woman for a few more years?
• How will Julia overcome the grip of the NSW right on the Labor Government in NSW and allow it to rebuild the infrastructure needed to supply sufficient electricity to it's residents and provide the transport networks to get them to and from work?
• Do we really want to put the country in the hands of a Tory politician who thinks that the sun shines out of John Howard's backside and whose only experience with the potential of the internet is emails?
• Does Stephen Conroy really know what he is doing and how many young voters he is alienating with his internet censorship policy?
  
• Why wont the Coalition tell us, even with the benefit of hindsight,what they would've done to solve the impact of the Global Financial Crisis and how much debt we would now have if they'd had the levers?
• Why did Blanche bring out that book about Bob during the election campaign?
• Will Channel 9 keep Mark Latham on after the election?
• Does Joe Hockey need to walk the Kokoda Track again?
  
• zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
• zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"
  

So much for an election campaign, once described by Paul Lyneham as a 'high-budget , low quality soapie, usually lasting three weeks, in which leading pollies show their immense respect for voters by a combination of bribes and TV stunts; alternatively defined as a frantic attempt to inspire the apathetic with the implausible."

In this election we might well be in a 'parallel universe'

Should any of you be budding physicists then this election will constitute overwhelming evidence that the concept of 'parallel universes' is a distinct possibility.

The Blowfly has long had the capacity to jump between these parallel universes and now finds that many politicians have the same ability. But most of them don't realise that it is happening.

After KRudd's victory in 2007 The Blowfly had, on the morning after the election, experienced an 'altered state' and , although initially was totally confused in his new universe, he settled into the swing of it. The 'altered state' emanated from eating some rotting mushroom sauce dripping from on an old, half-eaten steak he found in a bin outside a Canberra restaurant frequented by pollies.

The Blowfly awoke this particular morning in another universe---- and in the year 2012.

In this universe John Howard had resigned in late 2006 to give Peter Costello a 'heads-up' to become Prime Minister. Costello had performed well, as had his Treasurer Malcolm Turnbull.Although the ALP still tipped Beazley out in favor of Rudd and Gillard it was not enough for them to win the election.

A Costello/Turnbull government was returned with jubilation only to be confronted by the GLOBAL FINANCIAL CRISIS. They handled this rather well by pouring money into the economy. They developed an 'education revolution' and initiated a school building programme, developed a programme to insulate Australian houses and also gave Australians back some of their taxes to spend. The complaint from the Opposition was that the $900 didn't go far enough and many bogans spent it on plasma tv's and poker machines.Later on the insulation programme ran into difficulties when the Minister in charge, Barnaby Joyce, did not respond quickly enough to safety concerns.

KRudd, as the Opposition leader, criticised the Government for spending too much and burdening the country with crippling debt. But Australia fared rather well, in comparison to other countries, and started to prosper again well before the 2010 election.

KRudd and his deputy, Gillard found it difficult to get traction during the 2010 campaign because Costello and Turnbull, despite the lack of warmth between them, were able to convince the electorate that not only had they applied normal Keynesian economic strategy to the GFC but they had also sprung energetically from a better base due to the good economic management of the Howard/Costello years.The electorate was grateful, and Costello's good-humored style and open-mindedness (that Howard had lacked), meant a 'no-contest' election campaign in 2010.

Meanwhile back on the hustings Gillard had difficulty dealing with KRudd's abrasive style. He was a know-all to say the least and had an irritating habit of lecturing to those who would listen about his latest pet theory. After the election loss to Costello/Turnbull in 2010 KRudd was removed by heavies from the NSW Right who realised that although he was knowledgeable he was also a nerd who held a higher opinion of himself than they did.Gillard then became the first female Federal Opposition leader.

About this time The Blowfly sneezed and found himself back in the middle of the 2010 election campaign.The sudden move back to reality was a little challenging.

Just when the polls were showing that the ALP were up against it John Howard has returned to 'fight the good fight' (no doubt with Janette's blessing to "help that nice young boy,Tony, who looks up to you and who thinks like you,John").

The Blowfly thinks that this might be just the boost Labor needs!

Howard criticizing Australia's first female PM and acting as if he were a succession-planning genius who had handed the reins over in plenty of time for Costello to win the last election.Howard nor Abbott seem to realise that Howard's appearance will simply remind many voters why they voted for the ALP in 2007.

At a time when most of the media is focusing on Gillard's asking Rudd to be more involved in the campaign no one has given a thought to the Workchoices wounds, the 'Tampa' wounds and the "I'm not going to resign because my wife wont let me" wounds that 'little Johnny' will open up.

Howard unfortunately finds himself in this universe when it is obvious he should be in the other one.The Blowfly also knows that hypocrisy is found in both places.

The Blowfly is over-joyed that Latham has appeared from the other universe to label his nemesis, KRudd, as a 'serial leaker' (who would've believed it!) and to be the conscience of all ALP leaders going forward during his lifetime.Erratic as ever but with a striking ability to 'cut to the chase' Latham is both revered and despised. A politician of his apparent honesty is one thing that this election needs to give it some excitement.But he is no longer a politician!

Latham has been in the other universe for a while but, The Blowfly would suggest, he finds it a lot more fun in this one.

KRudd ,in the meantime and after lamenting his lot in life in an altogether different universe where he went on to be our nation's saviour, has secured his future in a future Labor Government because of his 'generous' offer to campaign------ but not beside Gillard! She is damned if he does and damned if he doesn't.

And there are still many voters who think that Gillard moved in a pre-meditated way against KRudd.Although Philip Adams and Laurie Oakes will tell you differently, she would have also been seen as disloyal if knowing, before the election, about the polling results in Queensland (that KRudd was not willing to face up to), she had not forced the issue with him.

Can you imagine the furore within Gillard's own support-base the morning after KRudd had lead the ALP to a resounding defeat? Some party official would take great joy in leaking that she had not spoken up and acted in the interests of the Party and the trade union movement.

The Blowfly recalls a George W Bush quip: "It will take time to restore chaos and order."

And in the words of Gerald Ford: "Things are more like today than they have ever been before"

Julia Gillard wishes she had concentrated more on school toilets than literacy and numeracy

The Blowfly cant help but think that all the reaction to the My School website is but a ‘storm in a shit-bucket’.( He realises that the normal turn-of-phrase is ‘storm in a tea-cup’ but when you are a blowfly you have been more used to a ‘shit-bucket’ than a ‘tea-cup’)

He finds himself this Sunday morning adorning the shoulder of the Deputy PM and Minister for Education, Minister for Employment and Workplace Relations and Minister for Social Inclusion.

It’s quite a treat to have a little perfume around and much preferable to the rather tawdry odour of those testosterone-laden men he’s been haunting lately.

Julia is engaged in her favourite Saturday pastime of reading ‘The Age’. She first got into the habit while she was working for Slater And Gordon during the late 80’s. She used to scan the pages looking for causes she could wheel up to the partners for commercial advancement.

Now she is firmly engrossed in John Marsden’s article about the My School website.
She is all rather serene until she comes to the bit where Marsden suggests that parents need to be a little more subtle and, perhaps even devious, when assessing a school’s suitability for the bearers of their genes.

When Marsden suggested that a quick foray into the toilets to see how clean they were and then a subtle visit to , or standing outside, the staff room during morning tea or lunch to get a feel for the happiness of the teachers.
Her eyes roll back in her head!

“Shit”, she thinks to herself, “why didn’t I think of that ? …………….Those bloody boffins of mine told me that parents were only interested in hard facts…………..but Marsden is right!..............Toilets and staffrooms……………Shit! Shit! Shit!...............it cost a fortune to construct that site and get the data onto it………I can barely understand it myself…..………..and I have an Arts/Law degree………………and then there’s the issue of selective schools which I completely overlooked………….we didn’t factor that in………….of course they are going to perform better…………..we have selected the better students to attend them………….oh dearie me this life is a bitch!”

She ponders her lot in life for a moment.

Then she moves onto the story regarding the 6 youths who have been sacked from their after-school jobs at a Victorian hardware store because the Fair work Act wont let them work less than 3 hours per day.

“Jesus H Christ!” she thinks. “ How do I defend this ?............. Don’t tell me my boffins have let me down again………….I didn’t know this was going to happen…..these kids will be voting at the next election……….shit!..............it’s this year……….God, I hope Kevin can come up with a line to diffuse this…………..those 19 marginal seats could be affected……..I wish I could work an hour and a half each day…………………That would be heaven………..instead of these damn hours that Kevin expects us to keep……………oh God!”

“So many difficulties and so many contradictions…………… I was probably a bit hard on my parliamentary-luvver-boy last week ! Poor old Tony Abbott......................here we are trying to get parents to take their role more seriously and then I go out and ridicule the ex-priest about valuing virginity………..we should be honouring those who keep their virginity and abstain………….maybe rates of sexually transmitted diseases would decline…………and maybe if there was more monogamy the society would be better off……………..how do I overcome my guilt at sticking the knife into the ex-priest?...........................................zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”.

It is simply too much for her poor darling red-headed brain to absorb. She receives a visit from the Sandman. And I might add that The Blowfly was none too excited by the thoughts of the afternoon. He nods off as well.

Sometimes being in power is so bloody boring. All that keeps one excited is a new hair-style!

She recalls the words of ANOP’s final brief to Bob Hawke before the 1990 election campaign as quoted by Paul Kelly in his book ‘The End Of Certainty’------“The swinging voter mood is disillusioned, despondent and cynical. Many would genuinely like a change of government but some are not changing their vote because they lack confidence in the Opposition”

How KRudd came to focus on productivity for his Australia Day speeches

Australia Day is as close as we are going to get to a national day of religious observance based on our country’s so-called values.

We see it as traditional to gather around a barbecue (a meal is associated with other religious observances eg Thanksgiving by the Pilgrim Fathers) and to swat flies away (which is a gesture similar to the genuflect and sign of the cross over one’s forehead--- practiced by Catholics).

It is not surprising therefore that The Blowfly should divulge to you an experience he had during the week whilst sitting on the shoulder of KRudd, our Prime Minister.

It happened during the course of a post-lunch snooze in his ante-room when he had been putting together the essence of his main Australia Day speech.

KRudd was readying himself for a slight repose after a morning of heavy cranial activity. His advisors had been telling him that Australians wanted to hear about the ‘deep-shit effect’ of the ageing population. By 2050,when most of us who can think about these things will be dead, they were arguing that there would not be enough taxpayers to support the elderly in ‘the manner to which they had not been alerted to’ by Peter Costello in his previous Intergenerational Report.

They argued that he had to urge Australians to improve their productivity in order to avoid an economic abyss.

But to give KRudd his dues he was not convinced. He had something a little more motivational and inspiring in his mind but he could not quite put his little pinkie on it.

As he positioned his head softly in his comfortable chair he channelled his highly elaborate line of thought into The Blowfly’s huge brain. It went like this.

“ Golly gee gosh! There is so much to put in this speech…………I’ll bet Tony Abbott plays the race card in his speech and incurs the wrath of the press………..I don’t want to be like him, budgie-smugglers or no budgie-smugglers………..so much has happened this week……………Prince William was here but Australians don’t really want to hear about the Republic or our plans to cut him out of a cushy job………..Obama went all soft and admitted the job had nearly got on top of him and he’d not listened enough to the people………….I reckon it’s too early to start listening to people………and besides that I listen to Therese…………and someone picked up on John Howard possibly taking that job as the Chairman of the International Cricket Council…….Jesus ,I hope nobody finds out it was me that organised that………….and the bloody Indians are talking about banning our cricketers from the IPL cricket matches because of the attacks here on their students………….what bloody wankers……what about all the attacks on Australians in India?.........................how will anyone be able to win without Andrew Symonds and Ricky Ponting in their teams………….maybe I could warn Australians about the hits they will have to take when the Henry Review of the tax system is released?............no ,not on Australia Day!...............maybe I could talk about the emissions trading scheme and how we got done over at Copenhagen but we are going to push on………hmmmmmm ……….zzzzzzzzz........but probably not until I work out how to deal with our coal industry………….I just cant find a way of getting around their argument………if we tax them and they produce less ,then other international coal exporters will just take up their sales--------- and global emissions wont be reduced at all-----just our sales----and Australian jobs will be reduced as well………..Jesus H Christ how am I going to solve that one? …………..maybe I could make another promise to stop whaling………..or to reform the health system………………….maybe I could talk about the Australian Open and tennis…….bring Rod Laver and Ken Rosewall into it somehow!................Australians like hearing about their successful sportsmen and women…………….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…………..maybe I should talk in Mandarin and make sure it’s beamed into China…………zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……….or Paris…………..Paris Hilton…………..zzzzzzzzzzz………..not a bad sort……….zzzzzzz………Peter Singer and his beef tax……………….zzzzzzzzz………..(snort, snort)………..productivity……..that’s what I’ll talk about……..we need to work smarter, not harder…………..especially me……… no more 5.30 am meetings………..yes don’t do as I do, do as I say…………just as our teachers used to do at Nambour State High School where I was Dux…………..geeez I was clever then………………(waking up fully)”

Now alert, he calls his minder to fetch the speech-writer so he can instruct him to talk about productivity in his Australia Day speech to the nation.

And that my friends caused The Blowfly to recall the much quoted statement by a White House aide who quipped “We have done the PR. Now we’ve got to try to devise the strategy”

The Blowfly’s small brain is not able to see how productivity can be improved without the Government providing the right policy framework , economic signals and infrastructure.

If you think that KRudd has a clue about this topic then may I ask that you please enlighten The Blowfly.

The Rise and the Rise of Kevin Rudd's Wife---She is Nobody's Poppet!

The lot of a Prime Minister’s wife is not an easy one.

It is extremely hard to please all of your husband’s constituency. It doesn’t matter how you play the game someone is going to criticise you.

Dame Pattie Menzies was ‘too much of a lady’. Dame Zara Holt was ‘too homely and yet too posh’. Sonia McMahon was ‘too glamorous’. Tammy Fraser was ‘too mundane’. Hazel Hawke was ‘too tolerant of her husband’. Anita Keating was ‘too smart’-----that’s why the first thing she did when Paul vacated was to get her life back and ‘leave the bastard’. We all sympathised with her! If Turnbull’s republic had’ve got up she would’ve been a walk-up start to being our first President based on her ‘ballsy’ effort in telling Paul Keating exactly what she thought of him---and confirming what the rest of us suspected about him!

And Janette Howard! Well she was far ‘too precious’ about her husband’s lot in life. Can you imagine sitting outside your husband’s door like a Sentinel vetting visitor’s and being involved in conversations with Ministers who had been asked to report back about his prospects of winning the next election? Most wives could not give a ‘rats’ about their husband hanging on in politics----they would prefer them to vacate and get on with their lives! But Janette had got used to Kirribilli House and the trappings and -------her kids had left home and she had nothing better to do!

So you will understand why The Blowfly has recently become more interested in Therese Rein, the poor, long-suffering wife and partner of one Kevvie Rudd--------our country’s supposed 'leader'.

Having penetrated the PM’s house before Christmas ,The Blowfly felt compelled to do a return visit early in the new year to understand more of her contribution to the PM's thinking----whatever there is of his thinking!

She can usually read his thoughts---as most wives can---but when he is aware of this he begins thinking in Mandarin to throw her off the scent of his brilliance.

So let me set the scene for you.

I am on Therese’s shoulder as she climbs a ladder in the PM’s study in their Brisbane home. It is a modest study roughly 3.7m by 3.7m and with a normal ceiling of about 2.1m.

In her hands she has a large Kellogg’s cornflakes box. In her mouth she has a sticky tape dispenser. Although The Blowfly is used to dizzy heights she is not. You are careful not to try any antics that might distract her lest her much-recently-reduced-voluptuosness falls from the ladder.

She gets to the top, rests the sticky tape dispenser on the top rung of the ladder, extracts two good 6 inch pieces of tape and places the Cornflakes box in the top left hand corner of the room against the ceiling. Deftly she places one piece of sticky tape under the box and affixes it to the wall. With the other piece of tape she attaches the box to the side wall. Several more pieces of tape later she has the box ‘going nowhere’.

But the Kellogg’s cornflakes box is now positioned firmly where it will attract the PM’s attention when next he sits at his desk.

Now she reaches into her bra and extracts a sewing pin and sticks it part-way into the box.

The Blowfly is fascinated with this escapade. He is puzzled yet full of admiration for her. It was no mean feat to position the cornflakes as she has.

She alights from the ladder, straightens herself and smiles one of the largest smiles you have ever seen from a PM’s wife. Mostly they have precious little to smile about! And there is also a severe twinkle in her eyes. You can see why Kevvie loves her.

As she admires her work you tune into her thoughts and catch something along the following lines. “That will make that little Mandarin-speaking, egocentric bastard think! And when he shares it with Penny ‘2 Wong’s don’t make a Wight’ it will be just one almighty hoot. I wish I’d be able to see her face. God, I’m brilliant! No wonder he married me. Not only am I sexy and wealthy---I am also smarter than him.”

You glance up at the cornflakes box with the pin impaled in it and wonder what-the-hell she is thinking about. Your minute little brain is unable to comprehend this woman's intentions----you after all are a male blowfly.

She retires from the study and goes about her normal household duties. But there is a definite jauntiness about her. You even sense that she is enjoying the ironing-----now that is a first! Most thinking men know that they are in trouble when their wife starts enjoying the ironing.

The Blowfly positions himself near the kitchen bin, feasting for most of the afternoon.

But as soon as you hear Kevvie's Commonwealth car in the driveway you re-position yourself on Therese Rein’s shoulder to enjoy the show that is about to unfold before your eyes.

In he walks be-spectacled and bearing the weight of Australia’s problems on his weedy shoulders. He goes straight to the study to throw his brief-case down---just like he used to do when he came home from school----most men never change! As he does you hear this almighty shriek as he exclaims in his new social media lingo “WTF?”-----which is the jargon exclamation from his Twittering!

From the study he emerges positively bemused by the new ornament adorning the area above his desk.

“Therese, what the hell is that thing in the corner of my study above my desk?”

“Darling,” she says impishly, “I thought you would never notice!”

“Darling, you know how, in our marriage to date, I have made all the money and you have the brains?”

His heads nods slowly, very slowly------ but surely!

“Well from now on we are going to reverse our roles. You are going to make the money and I will be the clever one!”

He nods again with his eyes rolling gently back in his head.

“I’ve been trying to get my head around all this climate change stuff you’ve been rubbing into me since the election. And yesterday I came across a Letter to the Editor from a guy who used to run the Munmorah Power Station near Newcastle.”

“Yeeeessss!”, Kevvie stammers knowing that he is on a hiding to nothing with this line .

“Let’s imagine that your study represents the atmosphere of our lovely planet. The carbon dioxide volume is presently about .038%---up from .034% about 50 years ago. That cornflakes box represents the same proportional volume of carbon dioxide in your study,” she continues with spiff and spunk.

“Did you see the pin sticking out of the box?” she questions.

It had eluded his ever-present ocular vigilance and he returns to the study to check it out. He nods upon his return.

“Well that constitutes the volume of carbon dioxide that would be achieved if Australia achieves a 20% reduction in it’s emissions.We only produce 1% of the world's total emissions.” She turns her back to turn the kettle off.

“So the only people who are going to benefit from achieving the emissions reduction target in Australia are the people operating the carbon trading schemes, the people receiving subsidies for solar energy installations and innovation and the tradesmen installing insulation. So you go to it! You see if you and Turnbull can get that emissions trading scheme up and running because, between you both ---and Goldman Sachs--- we should be able to work out a way of making a fortune out of it”. She smiles at him with an all-knowing smile that only a wife can give.

He looks at her in stunned silence.

Your antennae go up. His thoughtful response emerges. He thinks to himself.

“Bitch! Now I’ve got two to put up with! I don’t know who will be worse----Therese or Penny?”

Your research into Therese’s capacities as the PM’s wife has been richly rewarded. If Turnbull’s republic ever got up Therese would surely leapfrog over Anita Keating for President.

Climate Change , Christmas and Conroy's Internet Filter.

The Blowfly’s week has been rather busy coming up to Xmas. But he has an important decision to make before too much longer.

WHO IS ‘THE BLOWFLY’ GOING TO SPEND XMAS WITH?

It’s not that The Blowfly has to consider his own family because the blowfly community, long ago, decided that their celebrations would simply be held wherever the best garbage could be found. Being independent insects they could never agree on this and so they go their own germy and infectious ways.

He has considered spending it with the Prime Minister and his family.

No doubt there will be the Xmas tree and the presents that Kevin’s minders were able to acquire for him for his family in Copenhagen. And the normal Queensland Xmas fare consisting of a plate of Moreton Bay Bugs washed down with a copious supply of XXXX lager or a good Sav blanc.

But then would come the post-mortem on Copenhagen. Oh dearie me! This would be painful. Probably enough to spoil the pudding and the brandy sauce.

You can imagine the high Kevvie will still be on. Meeting the world’s leaders, talking about commitments and disasters if we don’t do anything. Spinning a good light on the whole show. His head would still be ringing from the dizzy heights. There will be much good cheer to be had.

But then after the belly-filling lunch Kevvie and Therese would head upstairs for a quiet kip. It’s been a tiring week—even for a veteran traveller and climate –change believer. A snooze would be sorely-needed.

As he settles down with his head on the pillow it is Therese who lightens the day. She has obviously had Kevvie’s future on her mind.

“Kevvie, darling, have you ever pondered doing the Copenhagen sort of thing full-time? You seem to get so much satisfaction from these matters overseas. You’re just like Gough! A natural- born statesman! In Australia you have 8 disjointed state and territory governments. You cant even get them to agree on sharing rainfall, railways, education, health care, roads and just about everything else. And your style is much more suited to telling people what they should do rather than listening! That’s why you have such a soft spot for Malcolm Turnbull.”

Laying replete with a gut-full of Xmas cheer Kevvie’s brain moves towards motion. His eyes roll backwards in his head as an expression of disappointment in the rest he was about to give his sweet and deserving Mandarin-speaking body.

“ Sweetheart there is something I need to tell you”. He puts his hand on her arm re-assuringly.

“ I would need to feel a little more secure about climate change before I took that step. Any day now some smart-arse scientist may find some categorical evidence that humans are not having the effect on global warming that we are ‘beating-up’. The sun may indeed be getting hotter. The lack of sunspot activity may indeed be causing the planet to cool. There is also this German guy, Professor Mojib Latif, who is now batting for the ‘other side’. He reckons that the strong warming effect that we experienced during the last decades will be interrupted. Temperatures will be more or less steady for some years, and thereafter will pickup again and continue to warm. He is admitting the climatology models currently in use are wrong. None of these predicted the Earth cooling now. They all predicted an acceleration of warming. If the models are that bad at a time period of 10~15 years, how can they have any credibility at 50~100 years?"

Therese’s Xmas lunch suddenly doesn’t taste so good. Her tummy rumbles.

Kevvie continues. ”However if Stephen Conroy can get this Internet filter thing through the Parliament I might consider your suggestion further!”

Therese looks at him in a puzzled fashion. The brandy sauce is also repeating on her.

“An internet filter system will allow us to keep most of the truth about climate change from the public. They all think we’re trying to protect the kids. But we’re trying to protect the citizens. Just like they do in the US!”

“ It will be a 2-pronged approach. I am also watering down the role of Cabinet too. I don’t like too much scrutiny for my fantastic ideas! John Howard first alerted me to the tactic of avoiding Cabinet with ‘big-money’ decisions. You remember that $10 billion ‘water plan’ he announced for the Murray-Darling and how we discovered later that it did not get to Cabinet? Well our $42 billion stimulus package did not go to Cabinet either. I pissed myself with joy when Wayne Swan told me he had legal advice that we did not need to take it to Cabinet. And you can’t trust Cabinet either! I remember once seeing Cabinet defined as a ‘group of senior Ministers sworn to secrecy until the first edition of the morning newspapers’. Too true unfortunately!”

“But Kevvie, I don’t understand dear!” she stammers. “ Prohibition of any kind has always failed. It just passes the costs on to some other section of society. So if you prohibit Australians from watching all that sex on the Internet they will find some other way to exercise their depraved minds and it will cost the taxpayer more.”

There is no answer. None at all! The poor little dear Mandarin-speaking husband of hers has finally succumbed to his Xmas lunch and is sound asleep.

Therese considers her options. Will she wake him to illuminate him about the issues with prohibition of some information flows to the populace? Or will she just let him blunder on and try to correct his pathway after Xmas when his brain is not so full of complex thoughts.

She recalls the quote of Badelaire, “What is irritating about love is that it is a crime which requires an accomplice.”

The Xmas pudding gets the best of her and her eyes close peacefully.

The Blowfly decides to spend Xmas with the Conroy’s.He figures it could not be less entertaining.

The Rudd Government's agenda is revealed

Well I learnt this week that the Rudd Government's agenda regarding the deposit guarantee scheme was as simple as re- regulating the non-bank sector as far as it could.

Previously I had thought that they had just been the victim of the Law of Unintended Consequences where it is stated that every action generates at least one consequence that had not been intended. Although, I had struggled to fathom why a room-full of economists would not have anticipated that by guaranteeing the deposits of banks in this environment funds would've
flowed as they did. But dumber things have been done by Governments at the behest of economists!

But then the penny dropped!

Even Alan Greenspan, during the week, admitted that he had underestimated the implications of deregulation. Governments around the world have been moving to inject funds into banks and re-regulating them again to protect taxpayer's funds.. It stood to reason that we would do as everyone else was doing.

So by causing pain to the non-bank sector the Government had correctly anticipated that the funds would flow out of that sector, there would be a furore, and if they played their cards properly this would be the best chance for decades to throw the regulation net over the non-bank financial sector.

In the US, the investment banks Morgan Stanley and Goldman Sachs have both become 'normal' banks. This avails them of full government protection at the cost of full disclosure of their affairs and regular scrutiny by the US Government.

The banking sector lobbyists must be rubbing their hands with joy at this outcome. Not only have deposits flowed to the banks at a time when they werent in trouble but the banks will now have the funds to capitalise on this largesse.

The only sting in the tail for the banks is that the Government is making noises about them putting their booty back into the mortgage trust sector the allow the withdrawal embargoes to cease.

This we should watch carefully. It will be fascinating to observe how they walk this line especially when many of the mortgage trusts are associated with, or are, subsidiaries of banks.

The Australian Financial Review will be critical reading this week!

Is the Rudd Government that naive?

There are a couple of matters which have indicated to me that the Rudd Government is not quite up to the mark.

The first puzzling initiative was the decision to lift the Medicare levy surcharge recently. This was enigmatic because blind Freddie would've known that this would cause large numbers of Australians to ditch their private health insurance. This would in turn put further pressure on the public health systems of the various states.

But we all know that this system is already struggling and the only real hope of getting your knee, hip or other operation in a timely fashion is to be able to go into a private hospital.

Can anyone enlighten me about the Government's thinking on this matter?

Then there is the recent issue of the guarantee of bank deposits!

Again blind Freddie would've seen that funds would be moved by scared investors away from mortgage trusts etc and into safe havens causing runs on funds which are not really that liquid---and in a position where they are forced to realsie assets when prices are down!

Surely a public servant worth his salt would have seen this coming and built it into their advice to an unsuspecting Rudd Government! Surely!

Can anyone tell me why this little consequence of the bank guarantee policy would've slipped past Cabinet?

Or is there some other agenda?