Monday, January 25, 2010

How KRudd came to focus on productivity for his Australia Day speeches

Australia Day is as close as we are going to get to a national day of religious observance based on our country’s so-called values.

We see it as traditional to gather around a barbecue (a meal is associated with other religious observances eg Thanksgiving by the Pilgrim Fathers) and to swat flies away (which is a gesture similar to the genuflect and sign of the cross over one’s forehead--- practiced by Catholics).

It is not surprising therefore that The Blowfly should divulge to you an experience he had during the week whilst sitting on the shoulder of KRudd, our Prime Minister.

It happened during the course of a post-lunch snooze in his ante-room when he had been putting together the essence of his main Australia Day speech.

KRudd was readying himself for a slight repose after a morning of heavy cranial activity. His advisors had been telling him that Australians wanted to hear about the ‘deep-shit effect’ of the ageing population. By 2050,when most of us who can think about these things will be dead, they were arguing that there would not be enough taxpayers to support the elderly in ‘the manner to which they had not been alerted to’ by Peter Costello in his previous Intergenerational Report.

They argued that he had to urge Australians to improve their productivity in order to avoid an economic abyss.

But to give KRudd his dues he was not convinced. He had something a little more motivational and inspiring in his mind but he could not quite put his little pinkie on it.

As he positioned his head softly in his comfortable chair he channelled his highly elaborate line of thought into The Blowfly’s huge brain. It went like this.

“ Golly gee gosh! There is so much to put in this speech…………I’ll bet Tony Abbott plays the race card in his speech and incurs the wrath of the press………..I don’t want to be like him, budgie-smugglers or no budgie-smugglers………..so much has happened this week……………Prince William was here but Australians don’t really want to hear about the Republic or our plans to cut him out of a cushy job………..Obama went all soft and admitted the job had nearly got on top of him and he’d not listened enough to the people………….I reckon it’s too early to start listening to people………and besides that I listen to Therese…………and someone picked up on John Howard possibly taking that job as the Chairman of the International Cricket Council…….Jesus ,I hope nobody finds out it was me that organised that………….and the bloody Indians are talking about banning our cricketers from the IPL cricket matches because of the attacks here on their students………….what bloody wankers……what about all the attacks on Australians in India?.........................how will anyone be able to win without Andrew Symonds and Ricky Ponting in their teams………….maybe I could warn Australians about the hits they will have to take when the Henry Review of the tax system is released?............no ,not on Australia Day!...............maybe I could talk about the emissions trading scheme and how we got done over at Copenhagen but we are going to push on………hmmmmmm ……….zzzzzzzzz........but probably not until I work out how to deal with our coal industry………….I just cant find a way of getting around their argument………if we tax them and they produce less ,then other international coal exporters will just take up their sales--------- and global emissions wont be reduced at all-----just our sales----and Australian jobs will be reduced as well………..Jesus H Christ how am I going to solve that one? …………..maybe I could make another promise to stop whaling………..or to reform the health system………………….maybe I could talk about the Australian Open and tennis…….bring Rod Laver and Ken Rosewall into it somehow!................Australians like hearing about their successful sportsmen and women…………….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…………..maybe I should talk in Mandarin and make sure it’s beamed into China…………zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……….or Paris…………..Paris Hilton…………..zzzzzzzzzzz………..not a bad sort……….zzzzzzz………Peter Singer and his beef tax……………….zzzzzzzzz………..(snort, snort)………..productivity……..that’s what I’ll talk about……..we need to work smarter, not harder…………..especially me……… no more 5.30 am meetings………..yes don’t do as I do, do as I say…………just as our teachers used to do at Nambour State High School where I was Dux…………..geeez I was clever then………………(waking up fully)”

Now alert, he calls his minder to fetch the speech-writer so he can instruct him to talk about productivity in his Australia Day speech to the nation.

And that my friends caused The Blowfly to recall the much quoted statement by a White House aide who quipped “We have done the PR. Now we’ve got to try to devise the strategy”

The Blowfly’s small brain is not able to see how productivity can be improved without the Government providing the right policy framework , economic signals and infrastructure.

If you think that KRudd has a clue about this topic then may I ask that you please enlighten The Blowfly.

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