Monday, January 04, 2010

Should Rudd engineer more help from the Liberals?

This sunny Sunday afternoon we find Kevvie Rudd, our noble leader, on leave and pondering the forthcoming year, the world and his role in the prosperity and advancement of mankind.

He is lazing in an easy chair in his back-yard and
is the epitome of a relaxed politician---- wearing an old and, fashionably faded, 'Kevin07' t-shirt from the last election--- and thongs. Modestly, a pair of footy shorts presented to him by Wally Lewis years ago after a rare Queensland loss in a State of Origin series, adorn his thighs.

Sitting in the shade he is allowing his mind to free-flow a little. The election later in the year is on his mind.The press is starting to speculate about it and it has got him thinking---reluctantly!

The Blowfly has lost none of his psychic capacity despite the gastronomic excesses of the Xmas period. Kevvie's thoughts come to you in a lucid fashion---similar to the way that Tiger Woods seems to find trouble in 'the rough'.

Initially he started with the usual questions."Have I done enough?...... Should I work even longer hours?..... Why doesn't Julia get another makeover?...... What happened to Wayne's sense of humour?...... Why can't he be more like Peter Costello?....... Will the Australian public mind me not having the $42 billion stimulus package approved by Cabinet?..... Does Tony Abbott look better in swimmers than me?.......Where do UFO's come from?.......Did JFK really get assassinated because he had instructed the CIA to hand over the UFO files to the Soviet Union as a pre-cursor to collaboration on their respective space programmes?....... If Therese keeps on losing weight would she be a vote-catcher in bathers or a vote-loser?.........Do carbon emission trading arrangements really destroy indigenous farmlands around the world?..........Was Obama really groomed for the presidency by key members of the Trilateral Commission?..............What was I thinking about?........Ahhh, the election."

" I am extremely grateful that I learnt Mandarin and opened up all those new neural pathways in my tiny little Queensland brain.There is quite a lot to think about really when you have to run a country full of yobbo's and pretentious lawyers."

"But being PM is such a hoot ," he thinks."I didn't realise it could be this much fun when I was planning it all.Mel and Kochie and Joe and I were such a good act.Joe made me look like such a learned chap........The Liberals are such a sharing crew.... I owe quite a lot to the Liberals when I stop to think about it."

" Malcolm gave me a hand with the ETS---although it didn't get over the line--it wasn't through any lack of his trying....Tim Fischer has supported me to get the Catholic vote at the next election when he accepted my invitation to be the ambassador at the Holy See.... Amanda Vanstone has been really loyal to me during her time in Italy and Peter Costello will be really grateful to me for his appointment to the Board of the Future Fund..... I doubt if he will be anything but helpful from here on in. That Future Fund stuff is a really good junket for him and he will probably get that job with Goldman Sachs that he really wants."

"And even my old foe Tony Abbott!.... He's such a good Christian---just like me! He recently advocated that all school children should be reading the Bible as part of their studies. What a good idea!.... I wonder if we could legislate for that?..... It's really a pity that Tony and I have to fight each other in an election campaign this year.....He would've made such a good priest!......Although when I saw that photo of him in his budgie-smugglers it probably would've been a waste...... I wonder how I can preserve my Christian principles on the campaign trail when my Party---and Paul Keating ---expect that I should take poor old Tony apart?"

" I'll bet those back-room boys will focus on asylum seekers and our refugee policy and start harking on it as we come into the election.......Oh dear me, how will I handle that?........I'm such a compassionate fellow and my Christian beliefs mean that we should offer them all asylum......'Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy'"

A new line of thinking squeezes its way into his highly organised Queensland brain.

"What would Jesus do?" he ponders.

"Hmmmm!.... That certainly is hard..... Turn the other cheek?..... Do unto others as they would do unto me?...... Oh I know!....Of course.......Matthew 5:44.'Love your enemies and those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you'"

You watch his face contort from behind. His ears twitch a little.You can see that his mother's exhortations to 'wash behind your ears Kevin' have been ignored for the last few weeks.

Then a miracle happens! Or so it appeared to The Blowfly anyway---at the time!

A small bird shits on Kevvie's head. A little light comes on in the home of his neurons.

"Why don't I appoint more Liberals to positions helpful to the ALP?......What a strategic winner-of-votes that will be?"

"Malcolm Turnbull has got the shits with his party. I could appoint him to the World Bank or something similar.......There he can rub shoulders with his old mates from Goldman Sachs....... Or maybe Ambassador to the US?...... Phillip Ruddock would probably love a fancy gig somewhere........ Not to mention Bronwyn Bishop.For God's sake, Shadow Minister for the Aged! She should be in a home herself."

His sharp political mind goes into evaluation phase.

"The problem is going to be getting Paul Keating to see the method in my madness...... He goes berserk every time I make one of the these 'wise political appointments'......He's not a Christian like me....... He's not magnanimous like me! That's why his wife left him and Therese is still with me."

" Maybe I'd better run it past Caucus first!"

He arises from his easy chair and heads to the pool where Therese is giving her new bathers a run.

"Therese. Therese.....What do you think about this idea?"

At this point you sniff a new aroma coming from the kitchen and it distracts you from the robust decision-making process in train. You take your leave knowing that Australia has the leadership it deserves.

1 comment:

  1. Interesting posts you have, though I think Christianity is dead and will be redeemed and brought to fruition and perfection through Thelema. Check out my blog at if you will. Love is the law, love under will. ;)