Everyone seems still to be on holidays and The Blowfly was sorely tempted to take this route. But he managed to curb his indolent, hedonistic tendencies and went with Julia Gillard, the Acting PM.
Kevvie was still in holiday mode and he had daned to leave the country in the hands of a female----a redheaded one at that!
And as always happens when you think you are important and you hand the reins over----things always happen that you wish you could’ve been involved in.
There was the sinking of the high-tech boat by the Japanese whaling boat . The Blowfly had been the proverbial ‘fly on the wall’ when Kevvie had given Julia strict instructions to ‘hold an inquiry’ if this blew up. He reckoned his purposeful inaction on Japanese whaling will be soon forgotten and he can win some votes again by promising to take action before the election.
There was also the winning of the ‘un-winnable’ cricket test by the Australians against Pakistan. But Kevvie had this one covered by being there and taking some of the glory in true Bob Hawke-style.
She also managed to keep the lid on the Indian student murder and the airport security issue in the US.
These are all things that Kevvie could’ve exploited neatly in an election year----but for Julia these are just regulation matters more in the line of house-keeping than opportunities for speaking Mandarin or being seen having a beer with Ricky Ponting.
So imagine , if you will , that you are The Blowfly and you are happily perched on the shoulder of the Deputy PM whilst she wields the levers of power.
The first thing you notice, from her shoulder, is that she does actually clean behind her ears. The backs of her lobes are the epitome of personal hygiene---quite unlike the PM”s!
The second thing you have to get used to is the mop of red hair. You have always found red hair rather beguiling and slightly erotic. Sometimes you feel a slight buzz in your fly-loins when you think of red hair. But you now have to get used to the ‘Ranga’ taunts directed at your host. It took a while for you to realise that having red hair could be a two-edged sword---especially when you are in the public eye.
Its been a busy week but Julia has been up to it and has seemed to handle it with the aplomb of Ronald Reagan who took everything in his stride and never seemed to take himself too seriously.
Your first channelling opportunity came later in the week when, after a cup of tea and a small cucumber sandwich for lunch, she retired to the PM’s ante-room for a short snooze. She’s picked up this preservation tactic from Winston Churchill who swore by it.
With the paper in her lap she went into a state of consciousness somewhere between Kiama and Bermagui. Her pretty little brain was wrestling with the whaling issue initially but moved onto other things as she searched for the Sandman.
“Ah its good to be holding the reins’, she muses ,“ I don’t know why Kevvie has to get up so early to run the country and upset all those public servants…………I think he needs to manage his time better……….I’ll talk to Therese, she’ll know what to do with him and how to broach the subject………women should run the world shouldn’t they?.............Hilary will be here later in the week……... I might have a few words to her……..you don’t have to be the kingpin………… you can pull the levers from behind like she did with Bill all those years……….…there’s no glass ceiling only glass floors……….. with all those perving men looking up your skirts from underneath……….or if you’re like Jennifer Hawkins you don’t even need a glass floor…..…..all a man has to do is to buy a Sun Herald or a Marie Clare to see a woman’s charms……….why did she do it?...........Myer mustn’t be paying her enough……….I wonder what I would do if someone offered to photograph me in the nude?............I’ve got more flaws than her I reckon……….and Bill Heffernan was right about one thing…….. I’ll never have any stretch marks…………..I should get a new hair –style ………..one that does justice to my eyes………...so I can flash them at Tony Abbott this year………………...he thinks I’m a hornbag…………………………….I can take it!...........a woman needs a little luvvin’…………hmmmm…………….. it might distract him if I got a new hair-do………maybe I could get some political advantage from my gender………It’s about time I did…………..I must admit he did look ok in his budgie-smugglers……..and his hairy chest………...what a man!..........and in his memoirs, Peter Costello reckons that Tony Abbott sees himself as ‘something of a romantic figure’…………….….I reckon I might do that……………I’ll get a new hair-do…. ….something that will really make Tony stand-up and look………….…I might have to get a new hairdresser though…….. Tim seems to have lost interest in my hair ………….…it’s actually quite embarrassing having people mock me about my hair when my partner is a hairdresser…………………….. I’ll be Kevvie’s secret weapon coming up to the election”
The Sandman is almost there and a cunning smile forms on her lips.
“Or maybe Prince William……he’s coming this week too………God , he’s a hunk…………………………zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”
And that’s when you lost her.
There were some images The Blowfly was able to pick up but they were not suitable for a family blog such as this.
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