Monday, January 17, 2011

The 'female touch' is just what Australians need during a flood crisis

"Robotic and rehearsed, my arse!"

The Blowfly was blessed with a secure position on the right shoulder of the Prime Minister. She was reading Shaun Carney's article in The Age on Saturday telling Australians that, in his humble view, she 'urgently needs to stop sounding robotic and rehearsed'.

The PM had been able to grab an 'Age' from one of her advisers as she was flitting around the countryside trying to provide solace to Queenslanders regarding the devastating floods they have experienced.

Wistfully she looked out the plane window.Her red hair seemed dull.Her perfume was a little stale. Her eyes almost produced a little tear.

But the willpower that helped her do 'what had to be done' regarding KRudd and his pitiful management style stood by her in this moment of need.

It had been a tough week for the PM.And The Blowfly had been along for the ride.

Firstly, Julia had the misfortune to be away from school when the class had the one-and-only geography lesson on Queensland. The PM was under the impression that 'St George' was either a dragon or a Sydney football team.And the class the 'floodplains' topic because they were listening to the Melbourne Cup.

Secondly, The Blowfly is of the opinion that the PM was poorly served by her sartorial team. While Anna Bligh was swanning around in jeans taking charge of the flood emergency Julia was burdened with a dark blue pants suit that looked like something she might've worn to the opening of Parliament. Not only was it hot and sweaty (most clothes except loin-cloths are 'hot and sweaty' in Queensland) but it also made her look like a cleric at the horse races.However in due course she managed to find something casual (you would have to be Blind Freddy not to be able to find casual attire in Queensland) and she was also able to look at home in the chaos that surrounded her---like Anna did!

And thirdly, The Blowfly observed that she just seemed to be 'over it'. Her annual holidays had been cut short by the asylum-seeker boat coming to grief on Christmas Island. And she had badly needed a good break.

Knocking off Kevin07, the election campaign and negotiations to sort out the hung parliament had all taken their toll.She desperately needed to be sunning herself on a beach in Fiji with a cocktail in one hand, that handsome brute Tim beside her whispering 'sweet nothings' into her ear and allowing her imagination run riot about all the 'unspeakables' they could get up to during their regular afternoon snooze.

The Blowfly homes in on her thoughts while she looks wistfully out the plane window.

"Shit there's a lot of water out there..........more than I have ever seen before...........climate change is certainly happening.............I wonder if we really are causing climate hair looks dreadful.......I hope there's not a Women's weekly reporter at the airport.........Tim thinks I have a nice voice..........he loves it when I 'dress up' and give him all those instructions in a slow monotone........he says its a turn-on...........I can't help my voice......and anyway if it turns Tim on why would I want to change it?"

She turns to smile at Anna Bligh who is sitting in the seat across the aisle from her.

Anna is looking wistfully out the window on the other side.

"Maybe I could be more like her," the PM thinks, " I wonder if I could get a pair of jeans like hers to fit me? I wonder where she shops?"

The Blowfly is able to tune into Anna's thoughts.

"Shit there's a lot of water out there..........more than I have ever seen before...........climate change is certainly happening.............I wonder if we really are causing climate hair looks dreadful..........I hope there's not a Women's Weekly reporter at the airport......I need to make hay while the sun shines........I think I was stuffed before these floods.......the people were starting to doubt could they do that?..........Peter Beattie thought I had so much promise....... where did it all go wrong?

"I wonder if I should be more like Julia?......... maybe these jeans are too casual?........ I wonder where she got her pants suit from?............I'm glad I don't have Kevin in my government.......... I'm glad I don't have to kiss Bob Katter's arse every week.............I don't know why they say she is 'sounding robotic and rehearsed' should've heard Wayne Swan when he first took over as Treasurer.........he was pitiful!..........I think I might just be myself.........these jeans quite suit me.......and I feel a little younger again."

She looks across to see the PM smiling at her. The PM winks at her!

The Blowfly remembers the words of Hurst: "A woman has to be twice as good as a man to go half as far".

The Blowfly ponders whether a natural disaster will occur in New South Wales to help Kristina Keneally before the March election.

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