Monday, January 10, 2011

The Prime Minister's 2011 nightmare

Gerry Harvey was coming at her with a meat cleaver and Solomon Lew was right behind him wielding a huge toy AK-47 that he had found somewhere in Asia but was prevented from importing.

As she ran past the post office in Rockhampton she could feel the drag of the flood waters around her ankles and her tiredness was becoming more apparent but she still found the energy to commiserate with Ricky Ponting about his house being burnt to the ground.

Kevin Rudd then appeared from nowhere, haranguing her in Mandarin, and telling her to stay away from his turf. As he gobbled down his honeyed prawns from a small bowl he poked her in the eye with one of his chopsticks.

Gerry Harvey and Solomon Lew were still coming at her but she could hear the reassuring sound of a Blackhawk helicopter above her.

She looked up and saw a man in a green commando outfit being winched towards her, smiling. He reached for her, put a harness around her, and said warmly, "I'll save you!".

It was Bob Brown!

As she settled into the comfort of the helicopter she asked where he had got the Blackhawk from.

"It cost $1.6 million at the Boxing Day sales. What a bargain! It was previously owned by some internet squillionaire." He smiled a lewd smile.

"Now I have saved your life I want you to save mine."

"I've stuffed the 'climate change thing'. The science now points to the planet going through a cooling phase. One way we can reduce the impact for Australia is to pump more carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. We need to reward people for producing carbon not penalise them," he pleaded.

"Can we build that into next year's budget and pay for it with the rent resources tax?"
he said.

As she wrestled with Bob's strange request she felt her loins engulfed in a lovely warm feeling and when she looked down she realised that her 'Wiki-was-leaking'.

In a mild state of panic she looked around for a towel. There was Julian Assange and Tony Windsor both smiling and holding towels out for her to choose from. And Bob Katter was there too, offering her his big white hat.

She'd never felt so exposed in her life.

A gentle tapping on her shoulder became slightly painful.

"Julia, Julia! Wake up ! You are having a nightmare."

The Prime Minister opened her eyes and found herself in the safety of the 'consortial' boudoir with her darling Tim looking lovingly at her.

Her red hair was drenched with sweat and some of the coloring had found its way onto her pillow.

"You will stay with me wont you Tim? I think I might need some good ol' fashioned lovin' this year."

The Blowfly, who had positioned himself gently on the PM's bedhead, felt a little tremor of emotion flow through his small body as the PM's consort quietly reassured her.

"This is just the type of consort a PM needs to do battle with a Coalition leader who wants to build dams all over Australia in response to the Queensland floods," thinks The Blowfly.

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