Monday, July 11, 2011

Julia Gillard lets the genie out of the lamp

Julia Gillard was the beneficiary of a miracle last week.

The Blowfly was there and firmly ensconced on her shoulder.

Walking in the grounds of The Lodge she was considering what she could do about the continued negativity and taunting from Tony Abbott. She’d tried leaving the Chamber when he moved those censure motions. She’d tried turning her back on him in the Parliament. She’d also thought that a ‘poo’ cushion would be a good trick----but she could find no-one in the Opposition who would be in on the joke and place it on his seat when he sat down-----they didn’t seem to have much humour in the Coalition ranks these days!

A little glint under a rose bush caught her eye. Ever curious she moved closer and found an old teapot.

Tentatively she reached for it and picked it up. It had a musty smell---much like John Howard had!

It was scratched and old. She brushed away the spider webs.

Some smoke appeared. Alarmed she put it down, and then the miracle occurred.

A genie appeared. A very large genie!

The Blowfly was pleased at the size of the genie because
given the hole the PM is in no ordinary genie will do. It would have to be a big one!

She pinched herself. She pinched herself again. But the genie was still there!

She knew about genies. Her folks had read her ‘Arabian Nights’ stories when she was a girl.

The genie finally spoke. “You know the rules, Prime Minister! Three wishes. Three wishes only!” He smiled a knowing smile, “Choose them carefully”.

The PM’s brain sprung to action. She knew she couldn’t waste this chance to save herself from possible oblivion.

“What are the possibilities?” she thinks.

“A personality transplant for Kevin Rudd? Replace Wayne Swan’s brain with Peter Costello’s? Provide Bob Brown with a sense of humility? A solution to the asylum-seeker problem? That I don’t have any more silly ideas like the Citizen’s Assembly or sending refugees to East Timor? That my backside looked smaller? An engagement ring? That Ross Garnaut had a better dentist? That I was certain that human beings were causing the planet to warm up? That I was certain that the planet was warming up? That the animal-liberationists be put on a live cattle boat to Indonesia and, like the cattle, not come back?. That Bob Hawke showed me a little less attention when he was advising me? That Joe Hockey spoke more on economic matters? That I hadn’t worn that silly hat to the Royal wedding?”

She thought for a while longer. Her eyes sparkled at the largesse of this opportunity.

“My first wish is that Tony Abbott becomes the permanent Leader of the Opposition until 2020. He deserves security.”

“Secondly, I wish to remove the words ‘carbon tax’ from the minds of all Australians and replace it with the words ‘a clean energy future’. I wish I’d thought of that before.”

“And lastly: I wish that all Australians were members of the Australian Labor Party. They all deserve a little loving!”

The genie smiled at her and then disappeared in a puff of smoke. He had serious work to do!

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