Wednesday, July 04, 2012

The Dreams of Clive Palmer

The Blowfly has resolved that he will stay away from rotting mushrooms in the future.
During last week he hoed into a stack of mushrooms that were left over from the Parliamentary Ball and had been thrown into the garbage tins underneath Parliament House.
They produced a tummy ache and some rather unusual dreams.
Let me try to share the essence of those dreams with you because they were really freaky.
Firstly Clive Palmer featured heavily (not a pun!) and had become the spiritual leader of the Liberal Party.
This had something to do with the fact that he was the only person from that side of politics who had some creative thoughts about how to solve the asylum-seeker impasse that brought politics to a standstill last week.
Clive reckoned, in the dream, that we should get the asylum seekers onto planes and bring them to Australia cheaply and safely.
Presently asylum seekers are paying around $6000 to $8000 of their very, very hard-earned dollars to get on boats which certainly don’t look seaworthy by Australian standards.
In the dream Clive had a grand plan.
He knew that the expansion of our mining industry was contingent upon the availability of labor and he reckoned allowing asylum seekers to come here cheaply would solve 2 problems.
Firstly it would break the people smugglers’ business model.
No one would get onto old, leaking fishing boats rather than fly Qantas. The people smugglers would go out of business.
And then there was all the hoo-haa about Gina’s Enterprise Migration Agreement and the 1700 workers she was going to bring in for the Roy Hill project.
Clive figured we’d be a lot better with the asylum-seekers who would really appreciate our country ----especially the remote mining sites in WA and QLD!
Now that was the other bit of brilliance in Clive’s plan!
The asylum-seekers would only be allowed to settle in the mining areas of those 2 states. It would be a condition of their ‘Special Northern Settlement Visas’.
Many of these workers would need training but Clive had worked out that he could tap into the under-funded TAFE resources in Victoria. While they were closing down courses and relieving our society of the burdens of highly trained TAFE teachers Clive could utilize them profitably.
Now there was even more largesse to Clive’s thinking.
Some of you might know that he has plans to build the Titanic 2 in Asia.
Well Clive is no mug and what he did (in the dream) was to use the Titanic 2 to up the ante and bring asylum-seekers in 1500 at a time----in style!
He’s old fashioned and he knew that if they were treated right they would never go back---no matter how badly we treated them!
In the dream he’d even thought through the logistics of  processing such large numbers of asylum seekers and refugees.
They would be processed on the Titanic 2 as they came out.
And the Titanic 2 was going to land them in Gladstone and Kurratha and Dampier because if you brought them through the capital cities they would get distracted and want more from their lives.
So that was one dream.
In the other dream Clive had actually became the Leader of the Federal Opposition.
Clive had neatly positioned himself as the ‘ideas-person’ in the Liberal Party.
This wasn’t all that difficult because Tony Abbott had grid-locked the political system by saying NO to everything so anyone in the Liberal Party who thought for themselves really stood out.(Malcolm Turnbull could think for himself but when he admitted that they would not pull the NBN down when they came to government Tony Abbott banished him to the boondocks for heresy----after consulting George Pell as to what heresy was)
Anyway, in the dream, there was a well-organised handover of power to Clive.
I wasn’t quite able to discern or recall from the dream why Abbott capitulated to Clive but I do have this faint recollection of Mal Brough and Peter Slipper, in the dream, and a person with a wig on----so it may have had something to do with that illustrious peace of our history.
So you will understand why The Blowfly will never, ever tackle rotten mushrooms again----and that is the ‘gospel’ truth!
The Blowfly has often been told that dreams are to be watched closely because they are very revealing and offer subtle guidance.
Interestingly enough I sense that Tony Abbott has also had a premonition about Clive taking over from him.
You will notice that Tony Abbott has been extremely adamant recently that “no government he leads will have a carbon tax”.
The Blowfly believes that, although Tony is a polished hypocrite and mis-representer of the facts, he can make that statement about the carbon tax with a straight face because he knows he is going to be rolled by Clive Palmer before the next election.
I hear you all say: “In your dreams, Blowfly, in your dreams!”

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