Saturday, July 24, 2010

Only a time machine can save Tony Abbott!

The band around his head hurt like hell!

And the sweat was dripping profusely from Tony Abbott's brow. The Blowfly had seen it before during that triathlon he'd participated in earlier in the year.

The Opposition leader was now hooked up to a time machine and that was hurting his head.

But Tony Abbott had jumped at the chance to trial the time machine. What politician wouldn't?

Imagine having the chance to take back the most stupid thing you had ever said by simply going through an hour of pain sitting in a funny-looking chair with a strange-looking band around your head.A small price to pay!

But for a politician it was gold! And especially during an election campaign.

And the journalist's question had caught him by surprise.The Blowfly had cringed.

"Would he amend the Government's industrial relations legislation?"

Even Tony Abbott could hardly believe the words that came out of his own mouth.

"The legislation will not change," Tony had replied.

The Blowfly had winced. And winced again.

Then the Opposition leader had followed it up with "Not today, not tomorrow, not next year, not in 3 years time, not in 10 years time".

He knew as soon as he said it that it was stupid. The most stupid thing he'd ever said. Even more stupid than his 'Gospel truth' comment! If that was possible!

Where had those words come from? From his small John Howard-influenced, Catholic-molded, Rhodes Scholar-shaped brain of course! Where else?

But just to remind him that there was a God, the solution had appeared.

In a dream of all places!

A little man had appeared to Tony who looked a lot like Bob Santamaria. He told Tony Abbott to go to his garage and there he would find a time machine. He should hook himself up to it. The time machine could only be used once . To expunge from the public record and memory one statement.One statement! And one only.

After dealing with the baggage of his Catholic upbringing about such epiphanies he dared to open his garage door. And there it was!......A funny little machine----a time machine!

He closed the door and went back into the house.His heart was racing. He knew this was too good to be true and the 'gift' had to be used carefully.

Which statement would he choose to expunge? There were so many stupid statements to choose from.So many!

But overnight he worked it over in his head and decided that it was the industrial relations reply that was going to cause him the most grief----whether he became PM or not!

And here he was.In his garage hooked up to the machine . With a tight band around his head, expunging his most stupid statement from the public record and memory.

The Blowfly has always believed in miracles but had never thought much about time machines before.But now he will.Because they have many uses in politics----especially during election campaigns!

The Blowfly now wonders whether Bob Santamaria is going to appear in one of Julia Gillard's dreams to grant the same wish to her.

Because The Blowfly knows which stupid statement she would like to expunge from the public record and memory.

The one where she has promised a cabinet position to Kevin Rudd ----after the election.

In his little blowfly wings The Blowfly knows that this commitment will cause Julia Gillard a lot of grief.......A lot of grief!

Because in the words of Alexander Woollcott: "There is nothing wrong with him (Rudd) that a miracle can't fix"

But undoubtedly she will deal with it in her own mysterious way----- whether she has access to the time machine or not.

After all------she is a woman!...........And a redhead!

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