Monday, March 28, 2011

Caught in a time-warp with Tony Abbott

During the week The Blowfly landed on Tony Abbott’s shoulder quite adroitly but found the surroundings quite bizarre---in a futuristic kind of way!

In due course I worked out that I’d skipped 40 years. It was the year 2051.
Tony Abbott was 93 and in a nursing home in Sydney.

The former Opposition leader was half awake and half dreaming-----much the same as he was after the 2010 election!

Tony was sitting on his exercise bike, blissfully gazing out the window, and pedaling for his ‘virtual daily ride’. He was also attending to his weekly confession---thus putting paid to the notion that men are not capable of doing 2 things at once---especially in their heads!

A funny little device attached to his ear was wirelessly feeding data to ‘Central Confessional’. Confessions were digitally recorded for posterity--- and retribution!---- by the few remaining Catholics on earth. It was a ritual known as the ‘Pell legacy.’

Tony’s thoughts were chaotic and a strange mixture of cycling, politics, jingoism and guilt (much the same as it was in 2010). This is what was going on in his mind:
“Forgive me Father for I have….er….um…(cough)….. sinned-----I feel guilty for not er…… cycling far enough yesterday……er….um…..these budgie-smugglers feel more like incontinence pads these days and it’s hard to keep them ….er….um….up……and dry …….and…….. I thought I saw a redhead yesterday….or was it last year?….or was it in 2011 at that rally?…..and I lusted after her……..I think her name was Pauline…..much prettier than that other bitch who buried me…….Julia…..how she kept that hung parliament together has always baffled me……if it was me I would’ve bullied them like John Howard used to do with his ministers…..and I thought that ‘great big lie’ line would’ve killed the carbon tax…… I’ll bet it was Malcolm who then alerted the press to all the lies I had told over the years……all that ‘gospel truth’ stuff really hurt me….…Christ!!!..... I almost rode into a virtual pot-hole……..I must be doing my ‘virtual ride’ in NSW……shit there’s another one……and another one…….I would’ve fixed them if I was Barry O’Farrell after he got that landslide win in 2011……I would’ve annunciated big targets like ‘no pot-holes for NSW’…….just like I promised a $1 billion hospital to Andrew Wilkie back in 2010…….and that damned Kristina Keneally……. who would’ve thought that her good looks would’ve made such a difference to the 2013 election result when she switched to a Federal seat…..even Malcolm didn’t see that coming…..but at least I was right about climate change……it was crap!.......but amazingly Aussies still adopted green technologies readily and generated a huge export industry……Jesus H Christ…..oops!.....sorry God…..forgive me for I have sinned again by taking your name in vain again…..oh shit…..er….um…and to think that the climate has actually got cooler……I never get the credit for that…..Tim Flannery still doesn’t talk to me when his wheelchair goes past…….zzzzzzzzzzzzz”. He fell asleep.

Then the lights in his room went out.

It was only then that The Blowfly realized that Tony’s exercise bike was hooked up to a generator and producing the power for his room.

And who said a carbon tax wouldn’t stimulate green technologies!

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