Monday, August 29, 2011

More irony in Australian politics might make it bearable

The Blowfly found that the most entertaining feature of last week’s political events was the revelation that Bob Katter’s half brother was gay.

He came forward after the colorful north Queensland MP appeared at an anti-gay marriage rally.

This got The Blowfly thinking.

Politics has become so vitriolic in this country because of the hung parliament and the pugilistic Jesuit-type tactics of the Opposition. Most of the population are looking for light relief.

The Blowfly realises that God is a busy entity but he wonders whether He/She/It would serve humanity’s best interests by giving us more irony in politics.

This, at least, would make Australian politics more bearable.

Here are some scenarios that The Blowfly hopes might come to fruition in order to lighten our loads a little.

Hope 1. Julia Gillard’s long lost half sister turns up in the ‘old country’. She is a Quaker, runs a successful wedding planning business and has been married for over 30 years. She speaks the ‘Queen’s English', is blonde and can cook.

Hope 2. Tony Abbott’s half brother is a visionary thinker and community builder for the Uniting Church. He talks gently to women, is IT savvy having 3000 Facebook friends, has never told a lie in his life, has never thought of offering his backside to get what he wants and is a member of the Greens.

Hope 3. Joe Hockey’s half sister is an economist and personal trainer. She makes sense when she talks on economic matters. It just so happens that she is also Andrew Robb’s half sister and David Koch’s niece.

Hope 4. Julie Bishop’s half brother was found wandering naked in a cave near Esperance in Western Australia. It appears that he was raised by a family of stray cats. He can’t remember his sister escaping from the cave when he was 5 months old. Now you know where ‘the look’ comes from!

Hope 5. Craig Thomson’s long lost twin brother turns out to have an identical signature and has an abnormally high sex drive. He turns out to have stolen his Parliamentary brother’s identity and credit cards. Unlike his brother, who chaired the Parliamentary Economics Committee, he had time to visit brothels at all hours. Craig has bailed his half brother out previously but it cost him a fortune in legal fees.

Hope 6. The search for Malcolm Turnbull’s half brother took an unusual turn. He turned out to be Mike Quigley, the CEO of the National Broadband Network company. This was one of the reasons that Malcolm could not bring himself to tear it down. His half-brother’s half brother presently runs Goldman Sachs. This was a motivation for Malcolm’s policy position before the Old World Order got him.

Hope 7. Penny Wong’s half brother turned out to be Irish comedian Jimeon. Both of them are still getting used to the idea. DNA tests are being performed.

The Blowfly also remembers the words of George Bernard Shaw: “My way of joking is to tell the truth. It’s the funniest joke in the world.”

And so it is with Australian politics!

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