Monday, April 23, 2012

Labor:Finding new ways to lose elections.

The Blowfly decided he needed to know what was going on inside our Prime Minister’s head after the blow of the Slipper allegations.


He found her in the ante room of her Parliament House office alone with her thoughts. She was preparing for her trip to Singapore and Gallipoli.

I gently settled onto her shoulder and tuned into her innermost thoughts.

She was flagellating herself.

“Oh dearie me……… whatever was Albo thinking when he came to me with this bright idea?…………. what a fool I was……….redheads all over the world will be writing to me telling me that I have shamed them……….Abbott has outsmarted me again……..no wonder he didn’t look that surprised when we pulled it off…….he and George Brandis must’ve known about it all along…….it’s so hard to read Tony……he always has that dumb look on his face!”

Then she started a different line which The Blowfly found rather beguiling.

Ever the positive thinker the PM turned the whole situation around just as Warren Buffett would’ve done. Or for that matter Edward DeBono!

“Could we do a better job of losing the next election?”

“Could I surpass Kristina and Anna in the seat-losing stakes?’

“I wonder if we are able to find some more ways of handing the next election to the Coalition on a plate?.........rather than making us look bad maybe we should try to make the Coalition look good?...........what are the possibilities I wonder?...........could we get our spin doctors to make Tony Abbott look as though he has principles and a consistent policy ideology?.........could we make Joe Hockey appear to be a first rate economist?......(she chuckles to herself)…….could we perhaps make Christopher Pyne sound like a rugged individualist with a distinctly positive bent?.......is there any way we could promote Julie Bishop as being more knowledgeable than Bob Carr in respect to foreign affairs?.........what about we help Scott Morrison portray himself as someone who has a very innovative and compassionate solution to the asylum-seeker problem?.......or maybe we could help Greg Hunt make the Coalition’s ‘Direct Action’ policy on climate change sound more compelling and responsible than our Clean Energy Future ?..............(she sits in silence for a few minutes)……..I know, I know………let’s see if we could find a way of making Gina, Twiggy and Clive look like altruistic Australians who are not interested in their personal wealth……………….”

In silence she ponders further.

Then her moment of reflection is broken by her darling Tim.

“Come on Jules, we’ve got to get moving. Gallipoli awaits!”

“Mmmmmmm!” she thinks, “the ANZACs might just be the inspiration I need”.

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