The
Blowfly requests that you stretch your collective imaginations for a while and
imagine that you are the carbon tax.
Your
moment of birth is about to arrive.
You
have been looking forward to that moment for what has seemed like an eternity.
You’ve
had a curious conception and gestation.
Initially
you were wheeled up to the Australian public by the conservative side of
politics by none other than John Howard. But he lost that election and nothing
happened.
Nothing!
Until Kevin Rudd decided that you would be part of his impact on mankind.
You
were looking good at one stage because the Opposition actually collaborated
through their leader Malcolm Turnbull to assist with your conception.
They
were then talking about an emissions trading scheme but you have to be born
before an ETS can get off the ground.
Any
way in due course the conservatives did Malcolm over because they decided to
confuse the issue by linking it with climate change. And besides many of their
constituents are totally tied into fossil fuels and would have to change their
economic models if clean energy was preferred.
There
is some debate about what you should be called.
Some
call you a carbon tax.
Others
call you a carbon pricing mechanism.
Some
say you are not a tax at all.
You
are a bit different to your long lost cousin the GST.
The
GST will raise about $48 billion next year and every consumer pays that.
You
on then other hand, will only raise about $7 billion next year and only the top
500 polluters or emitters of carbon will pay you.
Even
the circumstances of your conception were different.
John
Howard announced the GST on national television before telling his party about
it. He was the master of unilateral decision-making.
But
after the initial heart attack he caused his Treasurer he fought an election
on it to make it ‘legitimate’.
In
your case both sides of politics had talked about you and there seemed to be
some consensus that you were necessary but………..politics got in the way! As it
often does!
Your
fertilization occurred as a result of a hung Parliament.
A
Prime Minister, intent on forming government, did a deal with the Greens to get
you moving. It could’ve been worse! Tony Abbott might’ve paid $1 billion to
give Andrew Wilkie his hospital and/or sold his backside to other Independents
to get into power. You way you see it is that you saved his backside----and the
electorate!
Abbott
has been pretty sour about the circumstances of your conception. He says that
your mother lied to the Australian people. But she just did what she had to do
to secure the support of the Greens.
The
Opposition has almost staked its future on you being the cause of all manner of
destruction.
Tony
Abbott has indicated that your arrival will cause the sky to fall in.
He
has also indicated that many industries will be decimated and even whole
communities will be wiped out. Whyalla is one such community.
He
has been a recurring feature on our television screens for a couple of years
visiting businesses that he says will be diabolically affected by you.
You
get blamed for increasing electricity prices as well. Even though the
increasing prices are mostly due to the need to renew the poles, lines and
generators.
Ridiculous
questions are also asked in Parliament about your impact. So-called intelligent
people such as the shadow Attorney-General George Brandis have even insinuated
that you are the cause of the 1900 people losing their jobs at Fairfax.
But
next week we will begin to see what you will look like and how you will affect
our lives.
Probably,
like all children, there will be some sleepless nights for your parents when
they first bring you home.
However
you will gradually settle down, just like the GST did.
Treasury
correctly estimated the impact of the GST on the economy so there is a fair
chance they will be right about carbon pricing as well-----despite Tony Abbott
and the Opposition spokespeople knowing better.
The
big question that remains for you to consider is:
What
will the Opposition do when the sky does not fall in?
Tony
Abbott has given a ‘blood oath’ that you will be repealed. You suspect that
this was just part of his scare campaign and he was using words from his
Catholic schooldays to indicate that he was a committed little
catechism-learner.
You
have also considered how you would be repealed or ‘unborn’ and you wonder how
this could possibly happen. The birth canal looks pretty narrow from the inside
but when you bend your mind to coming back into the canal from the outside it
just does not compute.
Tony
Abbott has promised a lot of things with gay abandon and you suspect that this
is one of those things.
As
well Tony Abbott would need a majority in the Senate to repeal the legislation.
He probably would not have this.
He
has threatened a double dissolution election but mostly incumbents lose seats
at these elections and you are not sure he would want this.
In
addition to this the Parliament may go for another 15 months.
Some
in the business community may by then be moving to adopt a ‘clean energy
future’ and they wont want their incentives taken away from them.
And
the voters may be getting used to it as well----just like they did with the
GST.
So
your birth is going to tell us a lot about the Opposition!
They
have purposely set out to put the fear of God into the Australian populace
about your birth.
Some
of you might remember that over the last 20 or 30 years there have been a
number of cases where a charismatic religious cult leader has predicted the end
of the world. Their followers have carefully prepared for that event----some
even took their own lives!
But
the key point is that the cults are no longer around and neither are their
leaders. When the end of the world does not occur their credibility is fatally
tested.
How
will a Rhodes Scholar deal with this one?
Let
me speculate about the possibilities:
· Tony Abbott
will say that he was advised incorrectly by a firm of accountants in Perth
about the impact
· He will tell
us that the Australian people are a resilient lot who roll with the punches and
they have adjusted amazingly well to this big new tax. So much so that they
have been able to overcome the deficiencies of a very, very bad government
· He will say
that the world will end on 21 December 2012 and you just wait and see
· He will be
abducted by a strange craft which appears at night regularly over Canberra and
be whisked off to a far away galaxy where people appreciate scare tactics and
lies
· He will do
what he should’ve done years ago and seek a meeting with George Pell as to
whether he might serve mankind better by being a priest
· He will ring
Rupert Murdoch and ask him what to do next. Rupert will tell him that as News
Ltd is already a carbon-neutral company he is grateful for the efforts but his
new boss is Gina and he should look to her for guidance. Or Alan Jones. Or
Andrew Bolt.
· Resign because
he deliberately mis-led the Australian public
Has
anyone got any other predictions?
