Monday, February 22, 2010

The Week of Near Misses: for Peter Garrett and Tony Abbott.

The Blowfly is of the that this week might well be referred to as 'The Week of Near Misses'.

Firstly we had Tony Abbott's near miss. He nearly met a nasty end at the hands of a semi-trailer near Colac in Victoria.The Blowfly wonders whether the Liberal Party would've been able to cope should the incident have been lethal.

Then , in Victoria, taxpayers had a near miss when the Brumby Government, first proposed and then dropped a 'bin tax'.The adage of 'Victorian by name, Victorian by nature' was set to manifest again.The Blowfly, predictably, is against any tax which may reduce the number of bins.But he would favor an 'open-bin' policy.The interesting aspect of this is the they dumped it after a taxpayer-funded survey indicated the unwillingness of taxpayers to support it. Is John Brumby likely to be developing more policy options by surveying taxpayers?What a novel approach to policy development? Asking taxpayers what they think!

The Blowfly acknowledges that not all near misses have negative connotations.

Catholics rejoiced at the announcement that Mary McKillop would be made a saint. For The Blowfly this was a near miss because it could've gone either way. The relationship between the prayers of a lay-person and healing are so common place amongst non-Catholics that The Blowfly is staggered at this elevation.But for Catholics miracles are harder to come by.

Then we have the 23 year old Cooma girl who , raised as a devout Mormon and shunning pre-marital sex and alcohol, went for it and won a Gold Medal in the Winter Games in Vancouver for the women's snowboarding half-pipe event.It was a near miss because a split second or momentary falter could've left her abstinence totally unrewarded in gold medal terms.

But the award for the 'near miss of the week' goes to Peter Garrett.

The Blowfly was aloft Garrett's tall shoulder on his first day in Parliament. It was after all the best platform to see over the array of green seats.

On that auspicious occasion Peter whispered to Kevin Rudd, "So this is what the enemy looks like?"

The PM set him straight. "No , Peter, that is the Opposition. The enemy is behind us!"

And that is why Peter Garrett has had a near miss.Tony Abbott's attacks are not what he should fear. The unions will now fall in behind to protect their members from the 4-month gap in the insulation programme that will cause unemployment and much angst. This is an election year and his fellow Ministers will be very unforgiving no matter how many Green votes he brings.Peter may not remember that a "cabinet minister is someone who has climbed so high up the ladder of success that all that is visible is his arse". Unfortunately Peter's arse is exposed.

But Tony Abbott is running the ball up and getting all the credit for off-siding Garrett. He finds it exciting.It is for these very moments that he lives. It is for these very moments that he maintains his fitness by cycling , swimming and boxing. These activities produce testosterone.

And as long as you will tell no-one The Blowfly will share with you a conversation he heard between Tony Abbott and his deputy Joe Hockey in the Commonwealth car they shared to the airport on Friday.

Abbott was in a state of excitement regarding his volatile week. Missing death early on and then having Garrett 'on the ropes' at the end of the week. Not to mention all the favorable comments by the press gallery over the last few weeks.

"When I get home," Tony said to Joe, with a wink, "I'm going to rip my wife's knickers off".

Joe was stunned ! "I know you been quoted a lot about sex and virginity etc recently Tony, but I didn't know that you and your wife had a such a passionate relationship?"

"We don't" said Tony, "It's just that these damn things keep cutting into me and giving me wedgies!"

Hockey blinked and then filled the car with his guffaw. The Mad Monk kept a straight face. Joe's guffaw died down.

"Will we ever get to know the 'real Tony Abbott'", thought Joe?

Good question, thought The Blowfly. Good question!

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