Monday, May 09, 2011

Tony Abbott sees The Lodge in his stars

Today The Blowfly is sitting on the shoulder of the Opposition leader Tony Abbott.

Tony is at home relaxing after his big public relations swim in the surf.

Sitting in his favorite lounge chair, Margie has made him a cup of coffee so the ‘poor dear’ can feel a little pampered. By chance he looks across to see the latest Women’s Weekly. It is the souvenir edition featuring the Royal Wedding.

He flicks through it casually. He finds himself appreciating the array of colorful photos and especially the red tunics. He stops for a while to inspect carefully the photos of the bride’s sister. He reflects for a moment on his university days and all the skirt he chased. He sighs a big sigh!

He comes to the photo of Prince William being introduced to Julia Gillard and her partner, Tim.

“Bitch!” he thinks to himself. “But for that loser, Windsor, and that wanker, Oakeshott, Margie and I would be in that picture.”

He reflects for a moment on his lot in life.

“I know I need to hang in there like little Johnny did…..but he had the support of an ambitious wife who really wanted to be in The Lodge…... Margie couldn’t give a damn about my driving ambitions…... I’ll just have to work harder at it…...by myself too!……. I’ll just have to be fitter…...more cycling!.....more surfing……and I guess I need to get my mind in shape…….don’t want any more of those uncomfortable silences when journalists ambush me.”

He concocts a string of three-word slogans and rolls them around the chasms of his Catholic mind just to limber it up.

“No more boats………. big new tax………... demolish the NBN……….. local hospital boards………… no carbon tax………... Trump for President…………. no climate change……….. stuff Malcolm Turnbull………… more Royal Weddings…………… no more floods………..I revere Howard………..computers are complicated……..Menzies was God………..Pell is wonderful……….Osama is dead……….redheads root countries…….”

As he flicks through the Women’s Weekly further he comes to the Horoscope section on page 333.

“I wonder what my stars say?” he thinks.

Straight to Scorpio he goes.

A bigger and better way will now fall into place, after a few false starts last month,” he reads.

He thinks for a moment. ”What could that mean?....... ‘a bigger and better way’?......... don’t tell me I have to become positive?......will I have to jettison the three-word slogans?………….’fall into place’?.......what could that mean? ‘false starts’?........ I’ve already had a few of them !........don’t tell me there are more coming?

A lifestyle with so much more is on offer’ he reads. “Boy do I know that!...... Margie and I would look so good in The Lodge……….. but woe is me!”

By the third week, you’ll see a new choice in a relationship. This is just the beginning. From June, you’ll have opportunities to live life to the fullest, with the right person,’ he further reads.

He can hardly contain himself. His excitement builds within.

“How am I going to tell Margie that we may be moving into The Lodge?”

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