How would you feel if you were the CARBON TAX?

Let’s imagine for a little while that you are the proposed CARBON TAX.

You were born out of observations by scientists that climate change was happening and it may be because the earth’s atmosphere appears to be warming up. Some speculated that this was because of the fossil fuels we are burning while simultaneously cutting down forests. There is some evidence to support this thinking. But there is also some evidence that refutes it.

But we only have this planet to live on until we perfect space-travel and so most people don’t wish to risk being wrong.

You could’ve been born a METHANE TAX because methane has 20 times the greenhouse effect of carbon dioxide. But it is too hard to tax farting cows! And they are part of our food chain.

Some years ago there was a hole in the ozone layer. It was caused by chloro-fluorocarbons. World governments simply banned those emissions. The ozone layer is now nearly fixed.

Like a bride at her wedding you are presently the centre of attention.
Some countries have been sleeping with you for a while. Others have promised to sleep with you shortly.

Both the ALP and the Coalition agree that there is a need to address climate change and acknowledge that human-beings are causing it.

Your new lover, the Federal Labor Government, has great hopes for you.
Your former lover, the Coalition, is now bad-mouthing you at every occasion. Broadcaster Alan Jones, the informal policy director for the Coalition on this issue, thinks you are going to cause the sky to fall. Tony Abbott is destroying your reputation with voters by saying that almost every business in Australia will go to the wall because of you.

You are a little concerned as to how you will perform on your wedding night.
Taxes have a chequered history of creating change. Taxes on tobacco have not worked. And taxes on alcohol have not worked. The recent ‘alco-pops’ tax has appeared to reduce consumption of those drinks but they may have been replaced with a harder liquor by young drinkers. The jury is still out on that one.

In your mind you know that once you are in bed and naked you will be able to perform to everyone’s satisfaction and, like any good bride, you will have a few surprises up your sleeve.

You are going to be financed solely by the 500 biggest emitters in Australia.
The expectation is that this imposition will change their emitting behaviours.
The Coalition, on the other hand, thinks that they can change behaviours by throwing money at emitters. This policy is called ‘Direct Action’. Big emitters like the idea of receiving lots of money to change their behaviours. It keeps their share prices up while the changes are exploited in boardrooms.

The ALP usually throws money at the people to redistribute the wealth and the Coalition usually throws money at big business so as to fund their election campaigns---they don’t have unions to fund them! Except for John Howard who also threw money at middle class voters because he needed their votes.

As your wedding night approaches you have mixed feelings----a great sense of anticipation, but also sadness, at knowing that some things will never be the same again!