Monday, August 01, 2011

What some of the players are REALLY thinking about the Carbon Tax

The Blowfly loves reading other people’s minds when they are not aware of it.

This provides him with with an enormous advantage and, sometimes, a good laugh.

The Blowfly has been wondering what some of the key players really think about the CARBON TAX when they are not in front of the cameras.

Last week The Blowfly polished his antennae and tuned them into an array of politicians, and others, who were thinking about this ‘big new tax’. Here is a summary of the results:

Julia Gillard: “This tax could well be the end of me. I thought being a red-head would be enough. I wish I had a better speech writer. I hope Tim won’t leave me if I lose office.”

Tony Abbott: “It’s really getting difficult to remember what I last promised and what my last position on political issues is. It’s hard telling the gospel truth all the time. Do I support the science of climate change or not? Does it matter----as long as I get into power and fulfil my Liberal destiny! What did they teach me at the Seminary about climate change? Who was Copernicus? What’s the latest---- is the Earth flat or round? I love scaring voters! They’re so gullible.”

Malcolm Turnbull: ”If I play this one right I could be PM within 2 years. Thank you Julia! Abbott is such an idiot. I live in Vaucluse and I’m ungaggable!”

Joe Hockey: “If I play this one right I could be Turnbull’s deputy within 2 years. Thank you Julia! Abbott is such an idiot. I live in North Sydney and I love economics.”

Intoxicated poker machine player in the St George Leagues Club: ”Why are these pollsters always asking me questions about which male politician would I prefer as PM?”

Archbishop George Pell: ”Should I refer this tax to the Pope? He is infallible! What do the Illuminati think? I hope it won’t affect priest numbers. Thankfully they decided not to tax paedophilia! Golly, when I first heard them say they were going to put a tax on emissions I shuddered because I thought was that it might apply to the emissions of my priests and that would be costly.”

Rupert Murdoch: ”I wish my journalists were all psychics like The Blowfly. Then they wouldn’t have to do phone taps to get stories to sell newspapers. ”

John Howard: ”Luckily, during my political career I learnt to lie with a straight face. And not feel guilty except for not worshipping Janette daily. I can openly support the Coalition in their stance on this tax although I said that a carbon tax and an ETS were the best things since sliced bread going into my last election. I love scaring voters! They’re so gullible.”

Andrew Horvath, CEO, Star Scientific,( developers of the new technology muon-catalysed fusion: ”We are going to make a motza outta this. Our new technology will allow coal-powered power stations to be retrofitted for $50 million and only require 2 swimming pools of sea water to drive them for a year instead of 4 million tonnes of coal.”

The Blowfly recalls the wise words of George W Bush: “The future will be better tomorrow.”

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous9:48 pm

    Why is Andrew Horvath included above in quotes from well-known people? Is it just because of Star Scientific, or is it also because he has been a prominent figure in Australian politics at some point during the last 30 or 40 years?