Wednesday, February 08, 2012

PM reveals top secret election strategy to Caucus planning meeting

The Blowfly was up at the crack of dawn last Sunday to attend the special Caucus meeting the Prime Minister had called to get the ALP back on track and in a position to win the next election in 2013.

Nestled on the picture rail in the Caucus meeting room I can admit to hardly being able to contain myself as to what the PM was going to say to motivate the troops out of the rut they find themselves in.

Given Laurie Oakes’ article in the Herald Sun on the day before The Blowfly had thought it was going to be a pretty ho-hum sort of event.

After-all what could be more boring than a planning meeting-----especially with politicians!

The Blowfly expected that the PM would talk about the Government having to tell its message in a more effective way, hammering the strength of Australia’s economy compared to other economies, going for Abbott’s economic Achilles heel, defining the real purpose of an ALP government and focussing on the social pluses of policies such as propping the car industry up to retain jobs in Australia.

But it was not to be!

What I’m about to reveal is top secret.

The PM started by reminding them of the night that Kevin Rudd was rolled.

She explained she always maintained confidence in Kevin’s capacities. He was able to pull simple folk in behind him----especially the simple folk of Queensland!

Kevin could speak Mandarin--- no mean feat!

He had an eye for detail. So much so that he had to work extremely long hours to pick up all the punctuation mistakes in briefs and reports. This reduced his sleeping hours and, even Therese acknowledged, made him unbearable.

On the night of the supposed coup a secret sort of ‘Kirribilli agreement’ had been worked out between Julia and Kevin and witnessed by Bill Shorten.

The agreement was that Kevin would return to be the saviour and hero of the ALP after he had been ‘re-educated’.

He had to learn to delegate. He had to learn how to stop swearing although he professed to be a Christian. He had to learn how to stop leaking to Laurie Oakes. He had to learn how to be loyal to the Labor movement and become a team player. No ‘kitchen cabinets’ in the future. Kevin really had to rebuild himself from the riding boots up.

This involved a lot of overseas travel to study and seek advice from the people who know these things. What better cover than being appointed Foreign Minister?

That was one corner of the audacious plan outlined to the Caucus by the PM.

The other one was to make Tony Abbott look good. The purpose of this was to lure the Coalition into a false sense of security coming up to the next election.

Then immediately before the election is called, Julia would resign as the PM, Kevin Rudd would replace her and ‘Bob’s your uncle’. Even a ‘drover’s dog’ would be able to win an election from Abbott then.

What a scoop for The Blowfly! Eat your heart out Laurie Oakes!

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