Tony Abbott's Parallel Realities

The Blowfly shifted garbage tins recently and found that , for a little while, politics was not as important.

However changing ‘homes’ has provided a new perspective on many aspects of that part of our daily lives that politicians fill.

The Blowfly has mentioned before the likelihood that these daily happenings are simply an illusion because in behind ,in space and time, is another reality.

We may discover this reality in due course and we may not.

But it is always there! Taunting us! Deceiving us! And leading us to believe that what we see is what we get.

One person who is aware of this is Tony Abbott.

He has a parallel reality and he is very aware of it.

From the perspective of most mortals Tony seems to have done all the right things to move this Government firmly to a position where it as perceived as being on the ropes.

And, more importantly, Tony is seen to be a shoe-in to be our next Prime Minister.

But Tony trained for the priesthood. He was made aware of the illusions that surround us. The Catholic Church has been responsible for many of those illusions. Remember the one about the Earth being the centre of the Universe? The one that was sustained for centuries due to the efforts of the church?

Tony knows that a parallel reality  is that at any moment the cards could crumble against him.

For instance, a well-meaning and unusually vigilant reporter may string together a more substantial series of actions and events tying our former Minister for Industrial Relations into a web of intrigue with the Craig Thomson affair. There are several stories already circulating about the unusually close relationships between some of the key individuals and Tony.

Another possibility is that a vigilant journalist (could there be two vigilant journalists in Australia I hear you asking?) manages to put together a robust chain of events tying the Opposition into the undermining of Peter Slipper.

And what about his closest allies, the troops in the National Party?

What would happen if they suddenly found courage and decided to rejuvenate their party so that the interests of the people in regional Australia were genuinely looked after?

The Coalition agreement has always been taken for granted.

But it was not always so!

Many people in the bush don’t really appreciate a political leader who is simply a weather vane.

That’s because they know that the wind could turn against them at any stage.

It used to be called “economic rationalism” and it tore the heart out of many regional communities. Schools closed. Subject choices diminished. Telstra offices closed. Road grant allocations declined.

That’s why Windsor has championed the NBN.

He knows it is one way that the playing field can be leveled between city and country communities.

And Abbott wants to tear it down!

Tony’s parallel reality (and one that he is creating) is quite extensive.

He is out there expending a huge amount of energy talking the economy down (when we have one that is the envy of most other countries).

He is also telling us that the ‘carbon tax’ will totally stuff our economy (just like the ALP did with the GST when John Howard sought to introduce it).

Abbott also told us he wanted a ‘gentler polity’ (but just in case you haven’t watched Question time for a while, he is setting about destroying the integrity of the Parliament).

He makes much of Gillard’s broken promise not to implement a carbon tax (but has been exposed as doing anything but sell his backside to form government himself). Presumably if he had formed government there would’ve been a few substantial broken promises as well.

Abbott by any measure should be well ahead in terms of popularity.

But he is not.

And many of his party are concerned by this!

They see the illusion.

But they are prepared for him to sacrifice his energy, treat the Australian populace with disdain by uttering his three-word slogans, tell lie after lie and to suffer the greatest indignity of all-----to be replaced when the election is called---- by the true Messiah!

After all, in the words of Bill Hayden, ‘a drover’s dog’ could lead the Coalition to an election victory now.

Surely! 

Or is that another illusion?

The Coalition's economic policy: A difficult pregnancy for The Three Amigos!

The Blowfly respectfully requests that you imagine for a moment that you are the Coalition’s economic policy.

Sometime during 2013 you will be called upon to be born.

Presently however you are still being conceived.

Your gestation will be longer than normal. There is a fundamental problem to overcome before you can enter that narrow birth canal and see the light of day.

Prior to the last election you were soooooo close to being born but you were undermined by an $11 billion black hole. And then you were stymied by some damned Independents!

It is rumoured that the black hole is now $70 billion.

Your conception is in the hands of three well-known Liberal Catholics----Tony Abbott, Joe Hockey and Andrew Robb---The Three Amigos!

In those fertile hands one would be inclined to think your conception was a certainty.

There is some conjecture about one aspect. Whether, and when, your budget will be brought to surplus?

This has been a seminal issue for The Three Amigos.

They wish to win the next election desperately but, by the same token, they wish to retain some semblance of economic responsibility-------but only a little! Too much semblance may see them lose.

The Three Amigos have to climb over the repeal of the carbon tax and the minerals rent and resource tax. They have to wrestle with the personal and company tax cuts that those policies contain.

Put simply----- The Three Amigos have to hedge their bets!

They are doing this by talking of ‘aspirational’ goals rather than commitments.

The Three Amigos also have to deal with editorials in the Australian Financial Review headed “Abbott fails the fiscal test”. And further on “……..the platform upon which the Coalition should be building its case as the alternative government is rubbery”. And in last Sunday’s Age: “So far, an Opposition bereft of credible ideas and policy”.

Sometimes you do wonder whether your birth will ever happen. There is so much left to be finalised concerning your gestation. And your ‘inseminarians’ (so to speak) don’t seem to be on the same page!

Hockey and Robb can’t seem to agree on the nature of your birth.

Abbott does not seem to have the economic confidence and imprimatur to bang their heads together.

And as a developing foetus you crave a little more attention. A little music maybe? A little tummy rubbing ? A few lullabies even?

But all the Coalition's efforts seem to be aimed at personalising the insults to the Prime Minister and forcing an election.

This is worrying for you. Should a snap election be called you would not be ready for birth. Your gestation is far from complete. You would be premature!

You sometimes wonder whether The Three Amigos are really concerned about your good health. Or whether perhaps, like all males, they believe the joy is in starting the process. The final, painful part can be delegated to someone else.

The Blowfly recalls the words of Groucho Marx: “I didn’t like the play, but then I saw it under adverse circumstances----the curtain was up!”

And so it is with Australian politics!

PM reveals top secret election strategy to Caucus planning meeting

The Blowfly was up at the crack of dawn last Sunday to attend the special Caucus meeting the Prime Minister had called to get the ALP back on track and in a position to win the next election in 2013.

Nestled on the picture rail in the Caucus meeting room I can admit to hardly being able to contain myself as to what the PM was going to say to motivate the troops out of the rut they find themselves in.

Given Laurie Oakes’ article in the Herald Sun on the day before The Blowfly had thought it was going to be a pretty ho-hum sort of event.

After-all what could be more boring than a planning meeting-----especially with politicians!

The Blowfly expected that the PM would talk about the Government having to tell its message in a more effective way, hammering the strength of Australia’s economy compared to other economies, going for Abbott’s economic Achilles heel, defining the real purpose of an ALP government and focussing on the social pluses of policies such as propping the car industry up to retain jobs in Australia.

But it was not to be!

What I’m about to reveal is top secret.

The PM started by reminding them of the night that Kevin Rudd was rolled.

She explained she always maintained confidence in Kevin’s capacities. He was able to pull simple folk in behind him----especially the simple folk of Queensland!

Kevin could speak Mandarin--- no mean feat!

He had an eye for detail. So much so that he had to work extremely long hours to pick up all the punctuation mistakes in briefs and reports. This reduced his sleeping hours and, even Therese acknowledged, made him unbearable.

On the night of the supposed coup a secret sort of ‘Kirribilli agreement’ had been worked out between Julia and Kevin and witnessed by Bill Shorten.

The agreement was that Kevin would return to be the saviour and hero of the ALP after he had been ‘re-educated’.

He had to learn to delegate. He had to learn how to stop swearing although he professed to be a Christian. He had to learn how to stop leaking to Laurie Oakes. He had to learn how to be loyal to the Labor movement and become a team player. No ‘kitchen cabinets’ in the future. Kevin really had to rebuild himself from the riding boots up.

This involved a lot of overseas travel to study and seek advice from the people who know these things. What better cover than being appointed Foreign Minister?

That was one corner of the audacious plan outlined to the Caucus by the PM.

The other one was to make Tony Abbott look good. The purpose of this was to lure the Coalition into a false sense of security coming up to the next election.

Then immediately before the election is called, Julia would resign as the PM, Kevin Rudd would replace her and ‘Bob’s your uncle’. Even a ‘drover’s dog’ would be able to win an election from Abbott then.

What a scoop for The Blowfly! Eat your heart out Laurie Oakes!

The Coalition's climate change approach: how it might have been developed

The Blowfly has been stretching his tiny brain trying to understand the Coalition’s approach to climate change and the carbon tax.

This is how The Blowfly imagines it might’ve happened.

Tony Abbott, Andrew Bolt and Alan Jones were all marooned together on a tropical island for a couple of weeks.

Andrew Bolt and Alan Jones were saying that the climate is changing but there is nothing humans can do about it. And if they are going to do something it will be so costly and produce such a miniscule effect that it will ruin our economy.

And also, although Australians think of themselves as leaders in many ways, Alan and Andrew manage to convince Tony that Australians don’t want to be seen to be leading the way in improving the only habitat humanity presently has.

But Tony Abbott is really only interested in one thing------getting into power!

His political brain is working.

Abbott knows that if he scares enough people about the carbon tax the next election is his. John Howard did this with the Tampa, after all.

He knows his line is against the general thrust of Liberal Party policy.

Abbott knows that big business is polluting our atmosphere and country in the pursuit of their profits. But big business is also funding the Coalition’s election campaigns. He knows that big business is stuck in the past. They are the old world order. He knows they don’t like changing the ways they are making profits.

He knows that Europe is ahead of us responding to climate change and innovating for the green economy. He knows that millions of jobs will be created by the new economy.

Abbott knows that the ALP has worked this out and that the millions of new jobs will help the ALP’s coffers more than the Coalition’s.

There is nothing in it for Tony to support a regime that supports jobs growth because the unions will just get stronger. If the unions get stronger then the ALP will have even more funding support and will tend to win even more elections.

Abbott is a Rhodes Scholar. He knows the ropes. If you are going to pitch for votes and win elections you have to appeal to the stupid untalented people who have stupid, untalented tastes. You have to appeal to the poker machine players who are enslaved by capitalism with no hope of lives other than reality TV shows, game shows, sitcoms and hospital, legal and crime dramas.

Everywhere thinking is sacrificed for fear and cheapness. Everything is disposable and short-term. Policies that require long-term commitment are shunned for ones that garner short-term popularity and votes.

Tony also knows he has to keep it simple.

He has to develop 3 word slogans and put the fear of God into the populace.

Abbott knows that the ALP is moving the Australian economy into the 21st century. But his role is to put the handbrake on so that big business can maintain their existing economic base and not have to change their business models

In the words of Murrow: “The obscure we see eventually, the completely apparent takes longer.”