The Coalition's economic Shadow

The Blowfly asks that you imagine a previous life.

You were a Roman emperor used to a life of gluttony, being eternally right and experiencing excess to the full.

The Universe has now invited you to be born again and, specifically, to learn humility.

You choose the life before you carefully.

The second of August 1965 seems like a nice day.

You are born of Armenian and Palestinian parents in North Sydney. You have 3 older siblings , attend St Aloysius College and the University of Sydney where you gain an Arts/Law degree. You become President of the SRC and then move into banking and finance before becoming the Director of Policy to the Premier of NSW before entering politics.

You choose politics because it will provide the greatest opportunity to learn humility.
Your first major opportunity comes when John Howard appoints you as a Minister and then you are appointed to Cabinet as the Minister for Employment and Workplace Relations.

You regularly sharpen your wits by appearing on Sunrise with Kochie and Mel and the new shining light of the ALP. He is tough going and while you can see right through him, many Australians can’t.

The ALP’s new messiah goes onto win the election and you start to learn humility----but not before you’ve learned about endurance and muscle pain by walking the Kokoda Trail and then Mt Kiliminjaro.

In due course your leader is Malcolm Turnbull. His style basically suits you. He is a big thinker and he encourages you to do like-wise.

Then shit happens. Tony Abbott becomes the new Opposition leader.

It is a two-edged sword for you. You are now the Shadow Treasurer. It is almost what you’ve always wanted. But you still don’t have the levers of power in your hands. You are now learning about patience----and, oh, economics!

Then Tony Abbott tells you that the only way an Opposition can behave is to disagree with the Government on every damned issue, say ‘No,No,No’ and talk a strong economy down.

You try to get into the swing of this strategy but you struggle and people start to question your economic knowledge. You learn even more humility.

The day comes when you make the most embarrassing gaffe of your career.

Wayne Swan has been named Euromoney magazine’s Finance Minister of the Year. You think he is a total tool. Anyone who comes from Queensland is a total tool---except Bob Katter of course! Oh----and Barnaby Joyce!

You ridicule Wayne Swan in Parliament by drawing attention to the fact that other recipients of this award were from Pakistan and Nigeria.

Unfortunately you have not done your homework.

The Pakistani executed a far-reaching program of economic reform which, for several years, made Pakistan second only to China in terms of economic robustness. Later he served as Prime Minister for 2 years.

The Nigerian negotiated a large debt write-off for her country, and subsequently served as managing director of the World Bank for 5 years, before serving as Finance Minister again.

Now you will understand why ‘being Joe Hockey’ really sucks!

The Blowfly suspects that if there are more opportunities to learn humility this Shadow Treasurer will somehow find them.