Tuesday, January 03, 2012

The Prime Minister's New Year's Resolutions: A Secret Insight!

The Blowfly has recently been curious about the thoughts of our Prime Minister as she faces 2012.

Although an atheist the PM still has her spiritual side and, she knows, like most others, that 2012 has special significance. She knows that 2012 is likely to be a year of huge change. Even though there are prophets of doom who cling to the Mayan calendar finishing on 21 December 2012 our PM is not inclined that way.

Recently The Blowfly was able to look over her shoulder in the lead-up the New Year’s Day while she was pencilling in her resolutions for 2012. Here is a summary, as best The Blowfly can recall.

1. Keep making Tony Abbott look as though he is doing his job extremely well.
Her thinking here was quite simple. She recalled that one post-election analysis showed that if Malcolm Turnbull had lead the Coalition to the last election then the ALP would’ve lost. She knows she is onto a winner by keeping Abbott as the Liberal leader. She finds it galling to make Tony look good but she is a big picture person and the means justify the ends. As well she loves sparring with another home-grown Pom---- especially a Rhodes Scholar who believes in God!

2. Keep a close eye on Kevin Rudd
As nice as it was to see the levers of power removed from this megalomaniac she figures that he could still do some damage, especially if he has too much to drink and walks into a strip club. She started learning Mandarin but after a couple of lessons gave up because Tim couldn’t stop laughing as she practised some sample phrases with her slow nasal drawl.

3. Get to know what is going on in Bob Brown’s head
She realises that the Greens have made inroads into the hearts and minds of radical Labor voters and she would like to think she could lure some back with some radical policy initiatives----which don’t come naturally to her! As well she would genuinely like to understand what possesses gay couples to aspire to marriage. She’s still struggling with why heterosexual couples aspire to marriage.

4. Forge a more meaningful relationship with my new best friend, Barack Obama
Her thinking here that she finds him an adorable hunk and she would like to see more of him. She knows that the US is in deep manure economically. She is keeping her eyes open for some new technologies which she might be able to share with Barack so that the US could generate new revenues to stimulate their economy. And she realises the great debt we have to the US for Facebook, Twitter, Coke, Pepsi, Collateralised Debt Obligations, Goldman Sachs, McDonalds, KFC and rap-dancing. As well it’s a quasi apology for Rupert Murdoch!

5. Get a new speech-writer
She realises that her ALP Annual Conference speech was a shocker. She is hoping to find someone with a turn of phrase like Paul Keating’s but blended with a strand of Bob Hope’s humour. Andrew Denton was one who came into her head. As did Norman Gunston!

The Blowfly reckons 2012 should be a real hoot.

1 comment:

  1. I'm here to watch this all happen with you. Getting some popcorn the meanwhile.