Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The problem with being Tony

Sweating profusely he could see the finish line in sight.

He rode like a man driven by his carnal and spiritual instincts. Beside him on another bike was Lindsay Tanner who grinned leeringly at him for a few moments then accelerated leaving a faint smell of perspiration behind him.

Then a familiar red-headed female rider tore past him at break-neck speed again leaving a trail of soiled perfume that could only be described as slightly 'Western Bulldogs' mixed with a modicum of 'ranga'. His heart sank!

But when Wayne Swan appeared---pedalling in his Queensland 'white shoes'--- and left him in a trail of 'Queensland odour' (or perhaps that should read 'odium') he was completely gutted.

He was simply unable to catch up. He rode with the fiercest determination he'd had since the days of the ETS but still he could not make an impression on the gap between him and them.

The finishing line came and went and he pedalled on into the sunset.

That was when he saw the tsunami. It hit him with it's full force but he did not feel it. In floating oblivion he awoke, still sweating profusely.

The Blowfly had witnessed one of Tony Abbott's recurring nightmares.

Positioned on Tony's alarm clock he watched the Opposition leader tossing and turning while he channelled Tony's latest dream---- rich with its symbolic imagery!

When eventually the alarm came on The Blowfly almost crapped his little fly-knickers. But Tony was relieved.Even Tony knows a dream is not a 'gospel-truth'. In fact its not even a 'core-promise'!

Tony lay in bed for a little while pondering his predicament.

"Why can KRudd stuff so many things up and yet the Opposition leader is still thought of as a dill?"

"How can a 'Christian' like KRudd have such a reputation for foul language and still be seen as 'pious'? And I trained for the priesthood!"

"Why is God deserting me in my hour of need? I'm still a good Catholic."

"Why can't I be more like Malcolm Turnbull?"

"Come to think of it why can't I be more like Peter Costello?........ He had a such a way about him........ that 'Peter Garrett thing' he did.......that Kerri-Ann interview that endeared him to the populace........oh woe is me and my little Catholic brain!"

"Why can't my wife be more like Janette Howard? I really need some constructive pillow talk right now.............Although she did stuff it in the end by not letting John appoint a successor before the election............Peter Costello would've walked over KRudd in my situation."

"Where will I get all my policy initiatives from so late in the piece?"

"John Howard! Of course, John Howard.He pulled that 'Tampa thing' off."

The Blowfly rolls his eyes. He ponders 'upon what subject will Tony Abbott next employ his versatile incapacity?'{Housman}

The Blowfly recalls the wisdom of Dr Laurence J Peter: "If you don't know where you are going you will end up somewhere else."

And finally The Blowfly now understands why people say that God has a sense of humour.

It does not matter which party wins the next election------we will still have a Christian in charge! Oh dearie me! How funny is that?


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